Parenting Apart - Revision history

Nate Russell: /* Public programs and services */

2025-01-08T00:06:05Z

Public programs and services

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:06, 8 January 2025
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	====Public programs and services====		====Public programs and services====

	[https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/life-events/divorce/family-justice/who-can-help/pas Parenting After Separation courses] are run by the provincial government. Although these courses are part of a mandatory program for parents involved in family law court proceedings in some Provincial Court locations, these courses are open to anyone. You can download the [https://bc.familieschange.ca/sites/all/themes/opas2/assets/docs/pashandbook.pdf Parenting After Separation Handbook] online.		[https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/life-events/divorce/family-justice/who-can-help/pas Parenting After Separation courses] are run by the provincial government. Although these courses are part of a mandatory program for parents involved in family law court proceedings in some Provincial Court locations, these courses are open to anyone. The courses are offered in English and Punjabi, and there is a special version for Indigenous families. You can download the [https://bc.familieschange.ca/sites/all/themes/opas2/assets/docs/pashandbook.pdf Parenting After Separation Handbook] online.

	[https://www.informationchildren.com/ Information Children] is a not for profit organization that started at Simon Fraser University. It offers a fairly broad and extremely useful program that deals with parenting issues. This program offers parenting workshops in New Westminster and Burnaby, and has a handy parenting helpline. Contact Information Children through their [https://www.informationchildren.com/ website] or at:		[https://www.informationchildren.com/ Information Children] is a not for profit organization that started at Simon Fraser University. It offers a fairly broad and extremely useful program that deals with parenting issues. This program offers parenting workshops in New Westminster and Burnaby, and has a handy parenting helpline. Contact Information Children through their [https://www.informationchildren.com/ website] or at:

Nate Russell: /* Parenting resources */

2025-01-08T00:04:06Z

Parenting resources

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:04, 8 January 2025
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	[https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/life-events/divorce/family-justice/who-can-help/pas Parenting After Separation courses] are run by the provincial government. Although these courses are part of a mandatory program for parents involved in family law court proceedings in some Provincial Court locations, these courses are open to anyone. You can download the [https://bc.familieschange.ca/sites/all/themes/opas2/assets/docs/pashandbook.pdf Parenting After Separation Handbook] online.		[https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/life-events/divorce/family-justice/who-can-help/pas Parenting After Separation courses] are run by the provincial government. Although these courses are part of a mandatory program for parents involved in family law court proceedings in some Provincial Court locations, these courses are open to anyone. You can download the [https://bc.familieschange.ca/sites/all/themes/opas2/assets/docs/pashandbook.pdf Parenting After Separation Handbook] online.

	The Parenting After Separation program is offered in Cantonese and Mandarin in Surrey, Richmond, and Vancouver; call 604-684-1628. The program is also offered in Punjabi and Hindi in those areas; call 604-597-0205.

	[https://www.informationchildren.com/ Information Children] is a not for profit organization that started at Simon Fraser University. It offers a fairly broad and extremely useful program that deals with parenting issues. This program offers parenting workshops in New Westminster and Burnaby, and has a handy parenting helpline. Contact Information Children through their [https://www.informationchildren.com/ website] or at:		[https://www.informationchildren.com/ Information Children] is a not for profit organization that started at Simon Fraser University. It offers a fairly broad and extremely useful program that deals with parenting issues. This program offers parenting workshops in New Westminster and Burnaby, and has a handy parenting helpline. Contact Information Children through their [https://www.informationchildren.com/ website] or at:

Nate Russell: /* Public programs and services */

2025-01-07T22:22:44Z

Public programs and services

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:22, 7 January 2025
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	====Public programs and services====		====Public programs and services====

	~~The~~ [~~http~~://~~www~~.gov.bc.ca/~~parentingafterseparation~~ Parenting After Separation ~~course~~] is run by the provincial government. Although ~~it's the~~ mandatory program ~~required of~~ parents at some Provincial ~~Family~~ Court locations, ~~it's~~ open to ~~everyone~~. You can download the [https://bc.familieschange.ca/sites/all/themes/opas2/assets/docs/pashandbook.pdf Parenting After Separation Handbook] online.		[https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/life-events/divorce/family-justice/who-can-help/pas Parenting After Separation courses] are run by the provincial government. Although these courses are part of a mandatory program for parents involved in family law court proceedings in some Provincial Court locations, these courses are open to anyone. You can download the [https://bc.familieschange.ca/sites/all/themes/opas2/assets/docs/pashandbook.pdf Parenting After Separation Handbook] online.

	The Parenting After Separation program is offered in Cantonese and Mandarin in Surrey, Richmond, and Vancouver; call 604-684-1628. The program is also offered in Punjabi and Hindi in those areas; call 604-597-0205.		The Parenting After Separation program is offered in Cantonese and Mandarin in Surrey, Richmond, and Vancouver; call 604-684-1628. The program is also offered in Punjabi and Hindi in those areas; call 604-597-0205.

Nate Russell: Clicklaw directory link edit

2024-08-22T23:38:15Z

Clicklaw directory link edit

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:38, 22 August 2024
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	* ''[[Family Law Act]]''		* ''[[Family Law Act]]''
	* ''[[Divorce Act]]''		* ''[[Divorce Act]]''

			===Resources===
			* [https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/life-events/divorce/family-justice/who-can-help/pas Parenting After Separation (PAS) Courses] from BC Ministry of Attorney General
			* [https://bit.ly/3yEOBAh A Summary of Evaluation Feedback from Participants in Parenting After Separation Sessions (2003)], report (PDF) from BC Ministry of Attorney General

	===Links===		===Links===
			* [https://family.legalaid.bc.ca/children/parenting-guardianship Parenting and Guardianship] from Legal Aid BC
	* [https://~~www~~.~~clicklaw~~.bc.ca/~~question~~/~~commonquestion/1010 Clicklaw Common Question "I’m looking for information about the~~ Parenting ~~After Separation program"~~]
	* [https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/1204 BC Ministry of Attorney General report ''A Summary of Evaluation Feedback from ~~Participants in Parenting After Separation Sessions'' (2003)]~~
	* [https://clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/4655 Legal Aid BC~~'s Family Law website's information page "Parenting & guardianship"]~~
	* [https://www.in.gov/judiciary/rules/parenting/ Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines]		* [https://www.in.gov/judiciary/rules/parenting/ Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines]
	* [https://~~parenting~~.familieschange.ca Justice Education Society's ~~online course "Parenting After Separation"]~~		* [https://bc.familieschange.ca/en/parents/parent-guide Parent Guide] from Justice Education Society's Families Change website
	* [https://www.informationchildren.com/ Information Children] (a non-profit supporting parents with family life challenges)		* [https://www.informationchildren.com/ Information Children] (a non-profit supporting parents with family life challenges)
	* [https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/parent/mp-fdp/index.html ~~Department of Justice's guide ''~~Making plans: A guide to parenting arrangements after separation or divorce'']		* [https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/parent/mp-fdp/index.html Making plans: A guide to parenting arrangements after separation or divorce], guide from the Department of Justice
	* [https~~://clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/1588 Justice Education Society and BC Ministry of Attorney General's website "Families Change"]~~		* [https://hearthechild.ca Hear the Child Society]
	* [http://hearthechild.ca Hear the Child Society]

Nate Russell: Clicklaw directory link edit

2024-08-21T23:52:17Z

Clicklaw directory link edit

Nate Russell at 23:18, 21 August 2024

2024-08-21T23:18:30Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:18, 21 August 2024
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	\|ChapterEditors = [[Mary Mouat\|Mary Mouat, KC]] and [[Samantha Rapoport]]		\|ChapterEditors = [[Mary Mouat\|Mary Mouat, KC]] and [[Samantha Rapoport]]
	}}		}}
	{{~~Clicklawbadge~~		{{LSSbadge
	\| resourcetype = resources for parents who are separating, including information about the		\| resourcetype = resources for parents who are separating, including information about the
	\| link = [https://~~www~~.~~clicklaw~~.bc.ca/~~question~~/~~commonquestion~~/~~1010~~ Parenting After Separation ~~program~~]		\| link = [https://family.legalaid.bc.ca/children/parenting-guardianship/parenting-after-separation-class Parenting After Separation course]
	}}		}}
	This section is all about putting your children first and building good parenting arrangements — arrangments that work for the children and for you. It provides a <span class="noglossary">brief</span> introduction to parenting after separation and talks about a few of the things that you probably want to think about when figuring out the arrangements for parenting after separation that are most likely to be in your children's best interests. It also provides examples of different kinds of parenting arrangements that might help you develop your own.		This section is all about putting your children first and building good parenting arrangements — arrangments that work for the children and for you. It provides a <span class="noglossary">brief</span> introduction to parenting after separation and talks about a few of the things that you probably want to think about when figuring out the arrangements for parenting after separation that are most likely to be in your children's best interests. It also provides examples of different kinds of parenting arrangements that might help you develop your own.

Nate Russell at 18:07, 15 January 2024

2024-01-15T18:07:22Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 18:07, 15 January 2024
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	{{JP Boyd on Family Law TOC\|expanded = children}}{{JPBOFL Editor Badge		{{JP Boyd on Family Law TOC\|expanded = children}}{{JPBOFL Editor Badge
	\|ChapterEditors = [[Mary Mouat\|Mary Mouat, QC]] and [[Samantha Rapoport]]		\|ChapterEditors = [[Mary Mouat\|Mary Mouat, KC]] and [[Samantha Rapoport]]
	}}		}}
	{{Clicklawbadge		{{Clicklawbadge

Nate Russell at 21:01, 28 September 2022

2022-09-28T21:01:04Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:01, 28 September 2022
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	\| link = [https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/question/commonquestion/1010 Parenting After Separation program]		\| link = [https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/question/commonquestion/1010 Parenting After Separation program]
	}}		}}
	~~{{LSSbadge~~		This section is all about putting your children first and building good parenting arrangements — arrangments that work for the children and for you. It provides a <span class="noglossary">brief</span> introduction to parenting after separation and talks about a few of the things that you probably want to think about when figuring out the arrangements for parenting after separation that are most likely to be in your children's best interests. It also provides examples of different kinds of parenting arrangements that might help you develop your own.
	~~\| resourcetype = a booklet that includes highlights of language changes between the ''Family Law Act'' and the ''Divorce Act'':~~
	~~\| link = [http://resources.lss.bc.ca/pdfs/pubs/Guide-to-the-New-BC-Family-Law-Act-eng.pdf Guide to the BC Family Law Act]~~
	}}This section is all about putting your children first and building good parenting arrangements — arrangments that work for the children and for you. It provides a <span class="noglossary">brief</span> introduction to parenting after separation and talks about a few of the things that you probably want to think about when figuring out the arrangements for parenting after separation that are most likely to be in your children's best interests. It also provides examples of different kinds of parenting arrangements that might help you develop your own.

	While the other parts of this chapter, especially the section [[Basic Principles of Parenting after Separation]], discuss the legal issues involved in deciding how children <span class="noglossary">will</span> be cared for after a couple separate, they don't say much about the practical day-to-day issues involved in parenting after separation and options for dividing children's time between their parents' homes. This section will briefly discuss what it means to parent after separation and how separation affects children, but mostly focuses on building good parenting arrangements. It might help to read the section on [[Separating Emotionally]], in the [[Separating and Getting Divorced]] chapter, when you're done here.		While the other parts of this chapter, especially the section [[Basic Principles of Parenting after Separation]], discuss the legal issues involved in deciding how children <span class="noglossary">will</span> be cared for after a couple separate, they don't say much about the practical day-to-day issues involved in parenting after separation and options for dividing children's time between their parents' homes. This section will briefly discuss what it means to parent after separation and how separation affects children, but mostly focuses on building good parenting arrangements. It might help to read the section on [[Separating Emotionally]], in the [[Separating and Getting Divorced]] chapter, when you're done here.

Nate Russell: From staging Sep 2022 (follow up changes)

2022-09-28T20:43:19Z

From staging Sep 2022 (follow up changes)

Show changes

Nate Russell: From staging Sep 2022

2022-09-23T20:55:44Z

From staging Sep 2022

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:52, 21 August 2024
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	I am not a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a counsellor. As a result, this section should be read with a grain of salt, as it's based largely on my observations of my clients' experiences and a healthy dose of common sense. For the same reason, you are cautioned that this section shouldn't be used as an authority on parenting. The goal of this section is simply to provide some information that may be helpful for parents to consider as they make decisions about parenting after separation.		I am not a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a counsellor. As a result, this section should be read with a grain of salt, as it's based largely on my observations of my clients' experiences and a healthy dose of common sense. For the same reason, you are cautioned that this section shouldn't be used as an authority on parenting. The goal of this section is simply to provide some information that may be helpful for parents to consider as they make decisions about parenting after separation.

	There are lots of [~~http~~://~~www~~.~~clicklaw~~.bc.ca/~~question~~/~~commonquestion~~/~~1010~~ parenting after separation programs] offered by trained psychologists and counsellors available throughout British Columbia, as well as some very good [https://parenting-after-separation.jibc.ca online programs] developed by the Justice Institute of British Columbia. Other good programs are available from other provinces, including Alberta's [https://www.alberta.ca/pashc~~.aspx~~ Parenting After Separation for Families in High Conflict] program. If you are separating or have separated, I highly recommend that you take one of these programs. No matter how good — or bad! — you think your relationship is with your ex-partner, these programs are usually very helpful. Also, in some cases, you may find yourself being ordered to attend a parenting after separation program by the court.		There are lots of [https://family.legalaid.bc.ca/children/parenting-guardianship/parenting-after-separation-class parenting after separation programs] offered by trained psychologists and counsellors available throughout British Columbia, as well as some very good [https://parenting-after-separation.jibc.ca online programs] developed by the Justice Institute of British Columbia. Other good programs are available from other provinces, including Alberta's [https://www.alberta.ca/pashc Parenting After Separation for Families in High Conflict] program. If you are separating or have separated, I highly recommend that you take one of these programs. No matter how good — or bad! — you think your relationship is with your ex-partner, these programs are usually very helpful. Also, in some cases, you may find yourself being ordered to attend a parenting after separation program by the court.

	==Children and parenting apart==		==Children and parenting apart==
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	It's easier to say that you'll manage your conflict with the other parent than it is to do. A lot easier. And yet the research about parenting apart and how children adapt to the separation of their parents is full of grim warnings about the serious effects conflict can have on children. No matter how hard it is to manage your conflict, you've ''got'' to try your best.		It's easier to say that you'll manage your conflict with the other parent than it is to do. A lot easier. And yet the research about parenting apart and how children adapt to the separation of their parents is full of grim warnings about the serious effects conflict can have on children. No matter how hard it is to manage your conflict, you've ''got'' to try your best.

	Sometimes, a little bit of work on your communication skills helps. Partly, good communication after separation is about leaving the past behind you, at least as far as the end your relationship is concerned, and choosing your words carefully; think not just about ''what'' you're saying but about how the other parent is likely to ''hear'' what you're saying. There are also some really effective communication techniques that can improve how you have difficult conversations with the other parent, such as [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_listening active listening], being alert to the assumptions you're making, and being aware of your body language and how it influences what other people think you're saying. Bill Eddy, a lawyer and social worker known for his work with high-conflict families, talks about how poor communication can put people into a defensive "react" mode rather than a constructive "respond" mode. Mr. Eddy says that communications after separation should be brief, informative, friendly and firm, and I recommend his book on the subject, ''[https://www.~~amazon~~.com/~~BIFF-Responses-High-Conflict-Personal-Meltdowns~~/dp/~~1936268728~~ BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns]''.		Sometimes, a little bit of work on your communication skills helps. Partly, good communication after separation is about leaving the past behind you, at least as far as the end your relationship is concerned, and choosing your words carefully; think not just about ''what'' you're saying but about how the other parent is likely to ''hear'' what you're saying. There are also some really effective communication techniques that can improve how you have difficult conversations with the other parent, such as [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_listening active listening], being alert to the assumptions you're making, and being aware of your body language and how it influences what other people think you're saying. Bill Eddy, a lawyer and social worker known for his work with high-conflict families, talks about how poor communication can put people into a defensive "react" mode rather than a constructive "respond" mode. Mr. Eddy says that communications after separation should be brief, informative, friendly and firm, and I recommend his book on the subject, ''[https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/12019658-biff BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns]''.

	Another thing that might help is establishing good boundaries, boundaries that reflect the new relationship you have with the other parent. Robert Emery, a therapist and professor of psychology, says that you should first draw clear boundaries around your relationship with the other parent. Let them know what you're prepared to talk about, what information you're prepared to share, and how and when you're not prepared to communicate. Second, use those boundaries to form a more business-like relationship with your former partner. The two of you may not be friends, but together you are engaged in the "business" of parenting your children. Keep your emotional distance from your former partner and focus on the work you must do together. Finally, he says, you've got to respect the new rules. Don't intrude past those boundaries; keep your discussions focused on parenting. It may be hard not to react when your former partner pushes your buttons, but it's important to try. I also recommend Dr. Emery's book about parenting apart, ''[https://www.~~amazon~~.com/~~Truth-About-Children-Divorce-Emotions~~/dp/~~0452287162~~ The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive]''.		Another thing that might help is establishing good boundaries, boundaries that reflect the new relationship you have with the other parent. Robert Emery, a therapist and professor of psychology, says that you should first draw clear boundaries around your relationship with the other parent. Let them know what you're prepared to talk about, what information you're prepared to share, and how and when you're not prepared to communicate. Second, use those boundaries to form a more business-like relationship with your former partner. The two of you may not be friends, but together you are engaged in the "business" of parenting your children. Keep your emotional distance from your former partner and focus on the work you must do together. Finally, he says, you've got to respect the new rules. Don't intrude past those boundaries; keep your discussions focused on parenting. It may be hard not to react when your former partner pushes your buttons, but it's important to try. I also recommend Dr. Emery's book about parenting apart, ''[https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/559986 The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive]''.

	Something else that might help is limiting how and when you and the other parent come into contact with each other. You might think about whether it would help to reduce the number of transitions that the children have to make between your homes, or whether you can avoid in-person contact with the other parent altogether by exchanging the children through their school — on transition days, one of you drops the kids off at school at the start of the school day, and the other picks them up at the end of the school day — or through a relative, a family friend, or an exchange service. You might think about signing up for an online service like [https://www.ourfamilywizard.com Our Family Wizard] that provides a message board, a calendar, and a journal for sharing events in the children's lives.		Something else that might help is limiting how and when you and the other parent come into contact with each other. You might think about whether it would help to reduce the number of transitions that the children have to make between your homes, or whether you can avoid in-person contact with the other parent altogether by exchanging the children through their school — on transition days, one of you drops the kids off at school at the start of the school day, and the other picks them up at the end of the school day — or through a relative, a family friend, or an exchange service. You might think about signing up for an online service like [https://www.ourfamilywizard.com Our Family Wizard] that provides a message board, a calendar, and a journal for sharing events in the children's lives.
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	====Public programs and services====		====Public programs and services====

	The [http://www.~~clicklaw~~.bc.ca/~~resource/1638~~ Parenting After Separation ~~Program~~] is run by the provincial ~~Ministry of Justice~~. Although it's the mandatory program required of parents at some Provincial Family Court locations, it's open to everyone. ~~A list of the agencies that provide this service is available from~~ the ~~Family Justice division through~~ [~~http~~://~~www.clicklaw~~.bc.ca/~~resource~~/~~2638 Clicklaw]. You can download the [http:~~//~~clicklaw.bc.ca~~/~~resource~~/~~2636~~ Parenting After Separation Handbook] online~~, in English, simplified Chinese, Punjabi, and French~~.		The [http://www.gov.bc.ca/parentingafterseparation Parenting After Separation course] is run by the provincial government. Although it's the mandatory program required of parents at some Provincial Family Court locations, it's open to everyone. You can download the [https://bc.familieschange.ca/sites/all/themes/opas2/assets/docs/pashandbook.pdf Parenting After Separation Handbook] online.

	The Parenting After Separation program is offered in Cantonese and Mandarin in Surrey, Richmond, and Vancouver; call 604-684-1628. The program is also offered in Punjabi and Hindi in those areas; call 604-597-0205.		The Parenting After Separation program is offered in Cantonese and Mandarin in Surrey, Richmond, and Vancouver; call 604-684-1628. The program is also offered in Punjabi and Hindi in those areas; call 604-597-0205.

	~~Simon Fraser University offers~~ [~~http~~://www.informationchildren.com/ Information Children], a fairly broad and extremely useful ~~non-profit~~ program that deals with parenting issues ~~and includes mediation services~~. This program offers parenting workshops in New Westminster and Burnaby, and has a handy parenting helpline. Contact Information Children through their [~~http~~://www.informationchildren.com/ website] or at:		[https://www.informationchildren.com/ Information Children] is a not for profit organization that started at Simon Fraser University. It offers a fairly broad and extremely useful program that deals with parenting issues. This program offers parenting workshops in New Westminster and Burnaby, and has a handy parenting helpline. Contact Information Children through their [https://www.informationchildren.com/ website] or at:

	<blockquote>~~604~~-~~291~~-3548 phone<br>		<blockquote>778-782-3548 phone<br>
	~~604~~-~~291~~-5846 fax</blockquote>		778-782-5846 fax</blockquote>

	The provincial [https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/justice/about-bcs-justice-system/~~jac~~ Justice Access Centres] may be able to direct you to other helpful parenting resources, and are located ~~across the province~~. ~~Contact them through [http://clicklaw.bc.ca/helpmap/service/1019 Clicklaw's HelpMap] or~~ at:		The provincial [https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/justice/about-bcs-justice-system/justice-access-centres Justice Access Centres] may be able to direct you to other helpful parenting resources, and are located in Abbotsford, Nanaimo, Surrey, Vancouver and Victoria. To access virtual services outside of these locations you can contact Family Justice Services Division toll-free at 1-844-747-3963 for more information.

	~~<blockquote>Vancouver: 604-660~~-~~2084<br>~~
	~~Victoria: 250~~-~~356~~-~~7012<br></blockquote>~~

	====Recommended reading for parents====		====Recommended reading for parents====

	The federal Department of Justice has a number of excellent resources in the [~~http~~://canada.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/index.html family law section of its website] that you may find helpful. You'll find publications and research papers about parenting after separation and on other topics important to children's well-being after their parents separate. These papers are of a uniformly high quality and are well worth the read.		The federal Department of Justice has a number of excellent resources in the [https://canada.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/index.html family law section of its website] that you may find helpful. You'll find publications and research papers about parenting after separation and on other topics important to children's well-being after their parents separate. These papers are of a uniformly high quality and are well worth the read.

	The federal government website has a section on [http://canada.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/parent/plan.html creating parenting arrangements] that links to three useful resources:		The federal government website has a section on [http://canada.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/parent/plan.html creating parenting arrangements] that links to three useful resources:
	*[~~http~~://canada.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/parent/mp-fdp/index.html Making Parenting Plans],		*[https://canada.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/parent/mp-fdp/index.html Making Parenting Plans],
	*[~~http~~://canada.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/parent/ppc-lvppp/index.~~html Parenting~~ Plan Checklist], and		*[https://canada.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/parent/ppc-lvppp/index.htmlParenting Plan Checklist], and
	*[~~http~~://canada.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/parent/ppt-ecppp/~~index~~.html Parenting Plan Tool].		*[https://canada.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/parent/ppt-ecppp/form/form.html Parenting Plan Tool].

	The federal Department of Justice's website also has information on [~~http~~://canada.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/parent/kh-ae.html helping your kids cope] with separation and divorce.		The federal Department of Justice's website also has information on [https://canada.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/parent/kh-ae.html helping your kids cope] with separation and divorce.

	There are lots of good books about parenting apart that will be available at your local bookstore or through online shopping services like Amazon, including these (my favourites are in bold):		There are lots of good books about parenting apart that will be available at your local bookstore or through online shopping services like Amazon, including these (my favourites are in bold):
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	*''Why Are We Getting a Divorce?'', by P. Mayle and A. Robins (ages 6+)		*''Why Are We Getting a Divorce?'', by P. Mayle and A. Robins (ages 6+)

	The website [~~http~~://~~www~~.familieschange.ca www.familieschange.ca] is designed to help children understand and cope with the issues that arise when their parents separate or divorce. The website presents differently for younger children versus teens; both versions are very well put together.		The website [https://bc.familieschange.ca/en www.familieschange.ca] is designed to help children understand and cope with the issues that arise when their parents separate or divorce. The website presents differently for younger children versus teens; both versions are very well put together.

	The federal Department of Justice has published a book for 9- to 12-year-olds called ''[http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/pi/fcy-fea/lib-bib/pub/cal/2013/index.html What Happens Next?]'', available online and in print. The print version is a lot friendlier and is what I'd suggest giving to a child.

	==Developing parenting arrangements==		==Developing parenting arrangements==

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:55, 23 September 2022
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	*''Divorce is a Grown Up Problem'', by J. Sinberg (ages 4+)		*''Divorce is a Grown Up Problem'', by J. Sinberg (ages 4+)
	*''Let’s Talk About It: Divorce'', by F. Rogers (ages 5+)		*''Let’s Talk About It: Divorce'', by F. Rogers (ages 5+)
	*''On Divorce'' by S. Bennett Stein and E. Stone (ages 3+)		*''On Divorce'', by S. Bennett Stein and E. Stone (ages 3+)
	*''What’s Going to Happen to Me?'', by E. Leshan (ages 9+)		*''What’s Going to Happen to Me?'', by E. Leshan (ages 9+)
	*''Why Are We Getting a Divorce?'', by P. Mayle and A. Robins (ages 6+)		*''Why Are We Getting a Divorce?'', by P. Mayle and A. Robins (ages 6+)
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	*the age and maturity of the child, and their ability to be away from a parent, especially for younger children and children who are being breastfed,		*the age and maturity of the child, and their ability to be away from a parent, especially for younger children and children who are being breastfed,
	*the child's need for stability, especially for younger children and children with special needs,		*the child's need for stability, especially for younger children and children with special needs,
	*the views and preferences of the child, especially for children who old enough to have an opinion and understand how their parents' separation and their own preferences might impact their lives,		*the views and preferences of the child, especially for children who are old enough to have an opinion and understand how their parents' separation and their own preferences might impact their lives,
	*the pattern of the parents' usual time with the child when they were still together,		*the pattern of the parents' usual time with the child when they were still together,
	*each parent's ability to care for the child, including the presence of any family violence,		*each parent's ability to care for the child, including the presence of any family violence,
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	====Creating a parenting schedule====		====Creating a parenting schedule====

	There's really no limit to the ways that children's parenting schedules can be arranged, as long as the schedule is in children's best interests and practical from the parents' perspective. A search online will give you dozens of parenting schedule templates that you might want to think about ~~out~~. What's important is that the schedule works for the children and for their parents.		There's really no limit to the ways that children's parenting schedules can be arranged, as long as the schedule is in the children's best interests and practical from the parents' perspective. A search online will give you dozens of parenting schedule templates that you might want to think about. What's important is that the schedule works for the children and for their parents.

	A lot of the templates you'll see will offer variants based on the parenting skills of each parent. This is an important consideration when you're thinking about the schedule that is most likely to be in the children's interests. While there are many families in which the parents split the task of parenting fairly evenly and both have excellent parenting skills, there are others in which one parent takes on most of the work involved in raising the children, and there are many perfectly good reasons why this might be the case. However, it's not always fair to measure parenting skills based on how the work involved in parenting was split during the relationship. The parent who did the least parenting might, for example, have had a job that supported the family and occupied most of their time, but might otherwise be or want to be an engaged and committed parent. It's important to think about the actual parenting skills of each parent, not just how they divided up parenting responsibilities before separation.		A lot of the templates you'll see will offer variants based on the parenting skills of each parent. This is an important consideration when you're thinking about the schedule that is most likely to be in the children's interests. While there are many families in which the parents split the task of parenting fairly evenly and both have excellent parenting skills, there are others in which one parent takes on most of the work involved in raising the children, and there are many perfectly good reasons why this might be the case. However, it's not always fair to measure parenting skills based on how the work involved in parenting was split during the relationship. The parent who did the least parenting might, for example, have had a job that supported the family and occupied most of their time, but might otherwise be or want to be an engaged and committed parent. It's important to think about the actual parenting skills of each parent, not just how they divided up parenting responsibilities before separation.

	Parenting schedule templates will offer additional variants based on the age of the children. There many good reasons for this too. A child who is being breastfed won't be able to be away from their mother for very long, and the sort of parenting time the other parent will have will usually need to be short but frequent. A toddler is better able to handle being away from a parent for an extended period of time, say one or two days, but will need to see both parents frequently. A child who is starting school suddenly has a schedule that's got nothing to do with their parents, and a child who is leaving elementary school will not only have homework and extracurricular activities that need to be taken into account, but the beginnings of a social life that is going to become increasingly important to them as they get older. A teenager's social life will be in full bloom and it may be more important to teenagers that they spend time with their friends and in their extracurricular activities than with their parents. The reality is that parenting schedules ''have'' to change based on the age of the child and, eventually as teenagers, their preferences. The schedule that works for a toddler won't work for a kid in Grade Two, and the schedule that works for a kid in Grade Two won't work for a kid in Grade Eight. That's just how it is.		Parenting schedule templates will offer additional variants based on the age of the children. There many good reasons for this too. A child who is being breastfed won't be able to be away from their mother for very long, and the sort of parenting time the other parent will have will usually need to be short but frequent. A toddler is better able to handle being away from a parent for an extended period of time, say one or two days, but will need to see both parents frequently. A child who is starting school suddenly has a schedule that's got nothing to do with their parents, and a child who is leaving elementary school will not only have homework and extracurricular activities that need to be taken into account, but the beginnings of a social life that is going to become increasingly important to them as they get older. A teenager's social life will be in full bloom and it may be more important to teenagers that they spend time with their friends and in their extracurricular activities than with their parents. The reality is that parenting schedules ''have'' to change based on the age of the child and, eventually as teenagers, their preferences. The schedule that works for a toddler won't work for a kid in Grade Two, and the schedule that works for a kid in Grade Two won't work for a kid in Grade Eight. That's just how it is.

	====Schedules for children without shared parenting====		====Schedules for children without shared parenting====
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	Children who don't have a shared parenting schedule — a schedule in which they have an equal or almost equal amount of parenting time with each parent — will have one home where they live most of the time, sometimes called their ''primary residence''. They'll spend most of the time with the parent who has their primary residence and spend less of their time with the other parent. This used to be the sort of schedule that almost all children had. For kids who were, say, six years old and older, they would usually have spent every other weekend with the other parent, and maybe also every Wednesday for dinner or an overnight visit. However, there are lots more ways that parenting time can be scheduled for children who have a primary residence.		Children who don't have a shared parenting schedule — a schedule in which they have an equal or almost equal amount of parenting time with each parent — will have one home where they live most of the time, sometimes called their ''primary residence''. They'll spend most of the time with the parent who has their primary residence and spend less of their time with the other parent. This used to be the sort of schedule that almost all children had. For kids who were, say, six years old and older, they would usually have spent every other weekend with the other parent, and maybe also every Wednesday for dinner or an overnight visit. However, there are lots more ways that parenting time can be scheduled for children who have a primary residence.

	The Langley Family Justice Center publishes an excellent pamphlet called "Suggested Visitation/Time-Sharing Skills" ~~which~~ they gave to their clients, drawn from Gary Neuman's equally excellent book, ''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/helping-your-kids-cope-with-divorce-the-sandcastles-way/oclc/42193621 Helping your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way]''. The following parenting schedule template is adapted from their pamphlet, and is intended for parents who do not intend to establish a shared parenting arrangement. The schedule varies by the age of the child and by the parenting skills of the parent who doesn't have the children's primary residence.		The Langley Family Justice Center publishes an excellent pamphlet called "Suggested Visitation/Time-Sharing Skills" that they gave to their clients, drawn from Gary Neuman's equally excellent book, ''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/helping-your-kids-cope-with-divorce-the-sandcastles-way/oclc/42193621 Helping your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way]''. The following parenting schedule template is adapted from their pamphlet, and is intended for parents who do not intend to establish a shared parenting arrangement. The schedule varies by the age of the child and by the parenting skills of the parent who doesn't have the children's primary residence.

	::{\| width="65%" class="wikitable"		::{\| width="65%" class="wikitable"
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	A parenting schedule could also require that a parent's parenting time be ''supervised'' by someone, including the other parent, a grandparent, another relative or a friend, or even by a person who specializes in supervising parenting time. (There are a number of organizations that provide professional supervision services for a fee.) Just like conditional parenting time, supervised parenting time should be limited to circumstances when the parent or their behaviour poses a risk to the children. Supervised parenting time is usually intended to be a temporary response to a short-term problem, not a permanent condition of the children's time with a parent.		A parenting schedule could also require that a parent's parenting time be ''supervised'' by someone, including the other parent, a grandparent, another relative or a friend, or even by a person who specializes in supervising parenting time. (There are a number of organizations that provide professional supervision services for a fee.) Just like conditional parenting time, supervised parenting time should be limited to circumstances when the parent or their behaviour poses a risk to the children. Supervised parenting time is usually intended to be a temporary response to a short-term problem, not a permanent condition of the children's time with a parent.

	====Children's refusal to see a parent====		====Children's reluctance or refusal to see a parent====

	Children can sometimes have difficulty coping with change, whether a change between homes or the change resulting from the breakdown of the relationship between their parents, and may feel anxious when transitioning between homes. Other children may have a stronger relationship with one parent than the other as a result of their experiences growing up, or have a normal preference for one parent over the other for reasons including their age, stage of development and gender identity.		Children can sometimes have difficulty coping with change, whether a change between homes or the change resulting from the breakdown of the relationship between their parents, and may feel anxious when transitioning between homes. Other children may have a stronger relationship with one parent than the other as a result of their experiences growing up, or have a normal preference for one parent over the other for reasons including their age, stage of development and gender identity.
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	* [https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/1204 BC Ministry of Attorney General report ''A Summary of Evaluation Feedback from Participants in Parenting After Separation Sessions'' (2003)]		* [https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/1204 BC Ministry of Attorney General report ''A Summary of Evaluation Feedback from Participants in Parenting After Separation Sessions'' (2003)]
	* [https://clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/4655 Legal Aid BC's Family Law website's information page "Parenting & guardianship"]		* [https://clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/4655 Legal Aid BC's Family Law website's information page "Parenting & guardianship"]
	* [~~http~~://www.in.gov/judiciary/rules/parenting/ Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines]		* [https://www.in.gov/judiciary/rules/parenting/ Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines]
	* [~~http~~://parenting.familieschange.ca Justice Education Society's online course "Parenting After Separation"]		* [https://parenting.familieschange.ca Justice Education Society's online course "Parenting After Separation"]
	* [~~http~~://www.informationchildren.com/ Information Children] (a non-profit supporting parents with family life challenges)		* [https://www.informationchildren.com/ Information Children] (a non-profit supporting parents with family life challenges)
	* [https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/parent/mp-fdp/index.html Department of Justice's guide ''Making plans: A guide to parenting arrangements after separation or divorce'']		* [https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/parent/mp-fdp/index.html Department of Justice's guide ''Making plans: A guide to parenting arrangements after separation or divorce'']
	* [https://clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/1588 Justice Education Society and BC Ministry of Attorney General's website "Families Change"]		* [https://clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/1588 Justice Education Society and BC Ministry of Attorney General's website "Families Change"]
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	{{REVIEWED \| reviewer = [[JP Boyd]] ~~3 July~~ 2022}}		{{REVIEWED \| reviewer = [[JP Boyd]] 14 Aug 2022}}

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