Separating Emotionally - Revision history

Nate Russell: Clicklaw directory link edit

2024-08-08T20:02:28Z

Clicklaw directory link edit

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:02, 8 August 2024
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	{{LSSbadge		{{LSSbadge
	\| resourcetype = more information on		\| resourcetype = more information on
	\| link = [https://~~www~~.~~clicklaw~~.bc.ca/~~resource~~/~~4639 Divorce &~~ Separation]		\| link = [https://family.legalaid.bc.ca/resources/coping-separation-handbook Coping with Separation Handbook]
	}}This section talks about the emotional dimensions of separation. Although the section [[Separation and the Law]] goes into the legal dimensions of separation in a lot of detail, the law and the courts only deal with a narrow slice of all the things that go on when a relationship ends and often ignore, because they must, many of the larger emotional and psychological issues. Even though the law doesn't talk about them, these issues sometimes have a huge influence on people's ability to work together after separation and often play an important role in determining how separating adults will go about resolving their legal problem, the length of time it takes to find that resolution, and whether they will be able to work together to solve future problems after that resolution. An understanding of the emotions involved in separation can help to reduce conflict and the cost of resolving the legal issues arising from separation.		}}This section talks about the emotional dimensions of separation. Although the section [[Separation and the Law]] goes into the legal dimensions of separation in a lot of detail, the law and the courts only deal with a narrow slice of all the things that go on when a relationship ends and often ignore, because they must, many of the larger emotional and psychological issues. Even though the law doesn't talk about them, these issues sometimes have a huge influence on people's ability to work together after separation and often play an important role in determining how separating adults will go about resolving their legal problem, the length of time it takes to find that resolution, and whether they will be able to work together to solve future problems after that resolution. An understanding of the emotions involved in separation can help to reduce conflict and the cost of resolving the legal issues arising from separation.

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	*[~~http~~://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/divorce/index.html "Divorce and Separation"] from the Department of Justice		*[https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/divorce/index.html "Divorce and Separation"] from the Department of Justice
	*[~~http~~://www.counsellingbc.com BC Counsellors by Practice Area]		*[https://www.counsellingbc.com BC Counsellors by Practice Area]
	*[~~http~~://~~bc-~~counsellors~~.org~~ BC Association of Clinical Counsellors]		*[https://bcacc.ca/counsellors/ BC Association of Clinical Counsellors] search tool for counsellors
	*[~~http~~://~~www.bcamft.bc~~.ca Association for Marriage and Family Therapy]		*[https://camft.ca/ Canadian Association for Marriage and Family Therapy]
	*[https://www.familieschange.ca/ Families Change] website from the Justice Education Society of BC		*[https://www.familieschange.ca/ Families Change] website from the Justice Education Society of BC
	*[https://~~www~~.~~clicklaw~~.bc.ca/~~resource~~/~~1192 Family Mediation~~] from the website of the BC Ministry of Attorney General		*[https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/life-events/divorce/family-justice/who-can-help/mediators Mediators] from the website of the BC Ministry of Attorney General
	*[https://~~www~~.~~clicklaw~~.bc.ca/~~resource~~/~~2816~~ Parenting Apart] from the website of the BC Ministry of Attorney General		*[https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/life-events/divorce/family-justice/family-law/parenting-apart Parenting Apart] from the website of the BC Ministry of Attorney General
	*[https://~~www~~.~~clicklaw.bc~~.ca/~~resource~~/~~4342~~ Parenting Arrangements After Separation or Divorce] from the website of the Department of Justice		*[https://justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/fact-fiches.html Parenting Arrangements After Separation or Divorce] from the website of the Department of Justice

	===Resources===		===Resources===

	*[https://~~www~~.~~clicklaw~~.bc.ca/~~resource/4639~~ Separation & Divorce] from Legal Aid BC		*[https://family.legalaid.bc.ca/separation-divorce common questions on Separation & Divorce] from Legal Aid BC's Family Law website
	*[https://~~www~~.~~clicklaw~~.bc.ca/~~resource~~/~~1058 "~~Living Together or Living Apart~~: Common-Law Relationships, Marriage, Separation, and Divorce"~~] ~~from Legal Aid BC~~		*[https://family.legalaid.bc.ca/resources/living-together-or-living-apart ''Living Together or Living Apart'']
	*[https://~~www.clicklaw~~.bc.ca/~~resource~~/~~1246~~ Guardianship, Parenting Arrangements, and Contact] from Dial-a-Law by the People's Law School		*[https://dialalaw.peopleslawschool.ca/custody-guardianship-parenting/ Guardianship, Parenting Arrangements, and Contact] from Dial-a-Law by the People's Law School
	*[https://~~www~~.~~clicklaw.bc.ca~~/~~resource~~/~~2012 About Mediation~~] from Mediate BC Society		*[https://mediatebc.com/explore/cr-options/ Conflict Resolution Options] from Mediate BC Society
	*[https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/~~resource~~/~~1253~~ Mediation and ~~Collaborative Practice~~] from Dial-a-Law by the People's Law School		*[https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/resources/dial-law-mediation-collaborative-negotiation-and-arbitration Mediation, Collaborative Negotiation, and Arbitration] from Dial-a-Law by the People's Law School
	*[https://~~www~~.~~clicklaw~~.bc.ca/~~resource~~/~~4126 "~~Coping with Separation~~" handbook~~] from Legal Aid BC		*[https://family.legalaid.bc.ca/resources/coping-separation-handbook ''Coping with Separation Handbook''] from Legal Aid BC
	*[https://~~www.clicklaw.bc~~.ca/~~resource/4402~~ "Successfully Parenting Apart: A Toolkit"] from the Canadian Bar Association		*[https://perma.cc/H7XM-2TVL "Successfully Parenting Apart: A Toolkit"] from the Canadian Bar Association
	*[https://www.~~clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/4191 Settling out of Court] from the Justice Education Society of BC~~		*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p89vyvgWQ9s "An Inside Look at Family Mediation"] video from Legal Aid BC and CLEBC
	*[https://www.clicklaw.~~bc.ca~~/~~resource/4658~~ "An Inside Look at Family Mediation"] video from Legal Aid BC		*[https://canlii.ca/t/286m "An Evaluation of the Cost of Family Law Disputes: Measuring the Cost Implication of Various Dispute Resolution Methods"] from the Canadian Research Institute for Law and the Family
	*[https://~~www.clicklaw.bc~~.ca/~~resource~~/~~4452~~ "An Evaluation of the Cost of Family Law Disputes: Measuring the Cost Implication of Various Dispute Resolution Methods"] from the Canadian Research Institute for Law and the Family		*[https://parenting-after-separation.jibc.ca/ Parenting After Separation] course from the BC Ministry of Attorney General's Family Justice Services Division
	*[https://~~www.clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/1497 "Alternatives to Going to Court"] from the Justice Education Society of BC~~
	*[https://www.~~clicklaw.bc~~.ca/~~resource/4884~~ Parenting After Separation] course from the BC Ministry of Attorney General

Nate Russell at 21:28, 26 August 2022

2022-08-26T21:28:36Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:28, 26 August 2022
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	\| resourcetype = more information on		\| resourcetype = more information on
	\| link = [https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/4639 Divorce & Separation]		\| link = [https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/4639 Divorce & Separation]
	}}This section talks about the emotional dimensions of separation. Although the section [[~~Separating~~ and the Law]] goes into the legal dimensions of separation in a lot of detail, the law and the courts only deal with a narrow slice of all the things that go on when a relationship ends and often ignore, because they must, many of the larger emotional and psychological issues. Even though the law doesn't talk about them, these issues sometimes have a huge influence on people's ability to work together after separation and often play an important role in determining how separating adults will go about resolving their legal problem, the length of time it takes to find that resolution, and whether they will be able to work together to solve future problems after that resolution. An understanding of the emotions involved in separation can help to reduce conflict and the cost of resolving the legal issues arising from separation.		}}This section talks about the emotional dimensions of separation. Although the section [[Separation and the Law]] goes into the legal dimensions of separation in a lot of detail, the law and the courts only deal with a narrow slice of all the things that go on when a relationship ends and often ignore, because they must, many of the larger emotional and psychological issues. Even though the law doesn't talk about them, these issues sometimes have a huge influence on people's ability to work together after separation and often play an important role in determining how separating adults will go about resolving their legal problem, the length of time it takes to find that resolution, and whether they will be able to work together to solve future problems after that resolution. An understanding of the emotions involved in separation can help to reduce conflict and the cost of resolving the legal issues arising from separation.

	This section applies to people in both married and unmarried relationships. It provides an introduction to the emotional aspects of separation, looks at the grieving process that accompanies the end of a long-term relationship, and discusses how the emotions involved in separation can impact on wrapping up the legal issues you may need to deal with.		This section applies to people in both married and unmarried relationships. It provides an introduction to the emotional aspects of separation, looks at the grieving process that accompanies the end of a long-term relationship, and discusses how the emotions involved in separation can impact on wrapping up the legal issues you may need to deal with.

Nate Russell: From staging June 2022

2022-06-21T22:08:27Z

From staging June 2022

Show changes

Nate Russell: /* Links */

2019-08-01T01:45:18Z

Links

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:45, 1 August 2019
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	*[https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/4639 Legal Services Society’s Family Law website's information page on Separation & Divorce]		*[https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/4639 Legal Services Society’s Family Law website's information page on Separation & Divorce]
	* [http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/divorce/index.html Department of Justice's website "Divorce and Separation"]		*[http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/divorce/index.html Department of Justice's website "Divorce and Separation"]
	* [http://www.counsellingbc.com BC Counsellors by Practice Area]		*[http://www.counsellingbc.com BC Counsellors by Practice Area]
	* [http://bc-counsellors.org/ BC Association of Clinical Counsellors]		*[http://bc-counsellors.org BC Association of Clinical Counsellors]
	* [http://www.bcamft.bc.ca~~/ohana/website/index.cfm?p=95575656796 BC~~ Association for Marriage and Family Therapy]		*[http://www.bcamft.bc.ca Association for Marriage and Family Therapy]

Nate Russell at 01:43, 1 August 2019

2019-08-01T01:43:27Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:43, 1 August 2019
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	===Links===		===Links===

	* [https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/4639 Legal Services Society’s Family Law website: Separation & Divorce]		*[https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/4639 Legal Services Society’s Family Law website's information page on Separation & Divorce]
	* [http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/divorce/index.html Department of Justice's website: Divorce and Separation]		* [http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/divorce/index.html Department of Justice's website "Divorce and Separation"]
	* [http://www.counsellingbc.com BC Counsellors by Practice Area]		* [http://www.counsellingbc.com BC Counsellors by Practice Area]
	* [http://bc-counsellors.org/ BC Association of Clinical Counsellors]		* [http://bc-counsellors.org/ BC Association of Clinical Counsellors]

Corinne Shortridge: /* Links */

2019-07-03T16:47:23Z

Links

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:47, 3 July 2019
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	===Links===		===Links===

	* [https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/4639 Legal Services Society’s Family Law ~~Website~~: Separation & Divorce]		* [https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/4639 Legal Services Society’s Family Law website: Separation & Divorce]
	* [http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/divorce/index.html Department of Justice ~~Website~~: Divorce and Separation]		* [http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/divorce/index.html Department of Justice's website: Divorce and Separation]
	* [http://www.counsellingbc.com BC Counsellors by Practice Area]		* [http://www.counsellingbc.com BC Counsellors by Practice Area]
	* [http://bc-counsellors.org/ BC Association of Clinical Counsellors]		* [http://bc-counsellors.org/ BC Association of Clinical Counsellors]

Nate Russell: /* Resources and links */

2019-06-22T00:28:40Z

Resources and links

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:28, 22 June 2019
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	===Links===		===Links===

	* [https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/~~4647~~ Legal Services Society’s Family Law Website: Separation & Divorce]		* [https://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/resource/4639 Legal Services Society’s Family Law Website: Separation & Divorce]
	* [http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/divorce/index.html Department of Justice Website: Divorce and Separation]		* [http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/divorce/index.html Department of Justice Website: Divorce and Separation]
	* [http://www.counsellingbc.com BC Counsellors by Practice Area]		* [http://www.counsellingbc.com BC Counsellors by Practice Area]

Corinne Shortridge: /* Required reading */

2019-06-21T23:18:04Z

Required reading

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:18, 21 June 2019
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	===Required reading===		===Required reading===

	*''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/renegotiating-family-relationships-divorce-child-custody-and-mediation/oclc/30474579~~&referer=brief_results~~ Renegotiating Family Relationships]'', by R.E. Emery		*''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/renegotiating-family-relationships-divorce-child-custody-and-mediation/oclc/30474579 Renegotiating Family Relationships]'', by R.E. Emery
	*''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/truth-about-children-and-divorce-dealing-with-the-emotions-so-you-and-your-children-can-thrive/oclc/53485317~~&referer=brief_results~~ The Truth about Children and Divorce]'', by R.E. Emery (Read this book!)		*''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/truth-about-children-and-divorce-dealing-with-the-emotions-so-you-and-your-children-can-thrive/oclc/53485317 The Truth about Children and Divorce]'', by R.E. Emery (Read this book!)
	*''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/rebuilding-when-your-relationship-ends/oclc/5707044~~&referer=brief_results~~ Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends]'', by B. Fisher and R.E. Alberti		*''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/rebuilding-when-your-relationship-ends/oclc/5707044 Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends]'', by B. Fisher and R.E. Alberti
	*''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/healing-hearts-helping-children-and-adults-recover-from-divorce/oclc/30739454~~&referer=brief_results~~ Healing Hearts: Helping Children and Adults Recover from Divorce]'', by E. Hickey and E. Dalton		*''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/healing-hearts-helping-children-and-adults-recover-from-divorce/oclc/30739454 Healing Hearts: Helping Children and Adults Recover from Divorce]'', by E. Hickey and E. Dalton
	*''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/helping-your-kids-cope-with-divorce-the-sandcastles-way/oclc/37300625~~&referer=brief_results~~ Helping your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way]'', by M.G. Neuman		*''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/helping-your-kids-cope-with-divorce-the-sandcastles-way/oclc/37300625 Helping your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way]'', by M.G. Neuman
	*''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/joint-custody-with-a-jerk-raising-a-child-with-an-uncooperative-ex-a-hands-on-practical-guide-to-communicating-with-a-difficult-ex-spouse/oclc/682894488~~&referer=brief_results~~ Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising your Child with an Uncooperative Ex]'', by J.A. Ross		*''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/joint-custody-with-a-jerk-raising-a-child-with-an-uncooperative-ex-a-hands-on-practical-guide-to-communicating-with-a-difficult-ex-spouse/oclc/682894488 Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising your Child with an Uncooperative Ex]'', by J.A. Ross

	==Resources and links==		==Resources and links==

Corinne Shortridge: /* The grieving process */

2019-06-21T23:16:01Z

The grieving process

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:16, 21 June 2019
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	*'''Acceptance:''' "I'm ready for whatever comes." Finally finding the way forward. Decisions are much easier to make because people have found new purpose, having begun to accept the loss.		*'''Acceptance:''' "I'm ready for whatever comes." Finally finding the way forward. Decisions are much easier to make because people have found new purpose, having begun to accept the loss.

	Dr. Robert Emery agrees that the Kubler-Ross model applies to separating, but he looks at the grief process in a slightly different way. In his book ''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/renegotiating-family-relationships-divorce-child-custody-and-mediation/oclc/30474579~~&referer=brief_results~~ Renegotiating Family Relationships]'', Dr. Emery describes the grieving process as a cycle of love, anger, and sadness, which gets repeated in varying degrees of intensity as a person works their way through the Kubler-Ross stages, from shock and denial through to acceptance of the end of the relationship.		Dr. Robert Emery agrees that the Kubler-Ross model applies to separating, but he looks at the grief process in a slightly different way. In his book ''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/renegotiating-family-relationships-divorce-child-custody-and-mediation/oclc/30474579 Renegotiating Family Relationships]'', Dr. Emery describes the grieving process as a cycle of love, anger, and sadness, which gets repeated in varying degrees of intensity as a person works their way through the Kubler-Ross stages, from shock and denial through to acceptance of the end of the relationship.

	In his excellent book ''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/truth-about-children-and-divorce-dealing-with-the-emotions-so-you-and-your-children-can-thrive/oclc/53485317~~&referer=brief_results~~ The Truth about Children and Divorce]'', Dr. Emery says this:		In his excellent book ''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/truth-about-children-and-divorce-dealing-with-the-emotions-so-you-and-your-children-can-thrive/oclc/53485317 The Truth about Children and Divorce]'', Dr. Emery says this:

	<blockquote>"Over time the intensity of the emotions diminishes and people usually find that the feelings begin to blend. Early on, the grief of divorce is experienced as an intense period of feeling nothing but love, followed by an equally intense period of feeling nothing but anger, followed by an equally intense period of feeling nothing but sadness. ... Over time, however, the intensity of the feelings begins to wane, and the cycles of each emotion begin to blur and run into the other two. This overlapping of emotion results in a realistic, less emotionally painful view of the divorce.</blockquote>		<blockquote>"Over time the intensity of the emotions diminishes and people usually find that the feelings begin to blend. Early on, the grief of divorce is experienced as an intense period of feeling nothing but love, followed by an equally intense period of feeling nothing but anger, followed by an equally intense period of feeling nothing but sadness. ... Over time, however, the intensity of the feelings begins to wane, and the cycles of each emotion begin to blur and run into the other two. This overlapping of emotion results in a realistic, less emotionally painful view of the divorce.</blockquote>

Corinne Shortridge: /* The angry separation */

2019-06-21T23:10:15Z

The angry separation

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:10, 21 June 2019
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	===The angry separation===		===The angry separation===

	This, of course, is the type of separation to be wary of. These separations are also known as "high-conflict" separations. ~~Couples~~ in an angry separation have trouble letting go of the marriage, and feel intense pain and anger. Their emotions are usually raw and neither party has done a great deal to manage their feelings.		This, of course, is the type of separation to be wary of. These separations are also known as "high-conflict" separations. People in an angry separation have trouble letting go of the marriage, and feel intense pain and anger. Their emotions are usually raw and neither party has done a great deal to manage their feelings.

	These couples have the hardest time dealing with each other and the legal issues between them, as they focus on "fault" and "blame," and are often unable to stop themselves from lashing out hurtfully. Resolving the issues is the most difficult for these ~~couples~~, and they are the most prone to protracted, ugly litigation.		These couples have the hardest time dealing with each other and the legal issues between them, as they focus on "fault" and "blame," and are often unable to stop themselves from lashing out hurtfully. Resolving the issues is the most difficult for these individuals, and they are the most prone to protracted, ugly litigation.

	~~Couples~~ in an angry separation, particularly those with children, generally need to get professional help in dealing with the emotional fallout from the end of the relationship if they are to avoid court and learn to cope with each other and their feelings in the months and years to come.		People in an angry separation, particularly those with children, generally need to get professional help in dealing with the emotional fallout from the end of the relationship if they are to avoid court and learn to cope with each other and their feelings in the months and years to come.

	Angry separations are the sort that lawyers most often wind up dealing with. The epic battles that ~~couples~~ engaged in an angry separation are capable of can barely be described. The legal issues arising from the breakup are rarely concluded within two years, and, when there are children, can run for six or more years! A trial rarely resolves issues between these couples, as they will often keep fighting long afterward about real or imagined changes in their respective circumstances following judgment. These couples are also living <span class="noglossary">proof</span> that money doesn't buy happiness — it buys you litigation, and lots of it.		Angry separations are the sort that lawyers most often wind up dealing with. The epic battles that people engaged in an angry separation are capable of can barely be described. The legal issues arising from the breakup are rarely concluded within two years, and, when there are children, can run for six or more years! A trial rarely resolves issues between these couples, as they will often keep fighting long afterward about real or imagined changes in their respective circumstances following judgment. These couples are also living <span class="noglossary">proof</span> that money doesn't buy happiness — it buys you litigation, and lots of it.

	===Anger===		===Anger===