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Difference between revisions of "Parenting Apart"

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Revision as of 17:45, 9 June 2014

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====Children's refusal to visit====
====Children's refusal to visit====


No child, particularly children under the age of 12, should be able to dictate the time they spend with the other parent. Sometimes children will not want to leave a parent because of a sort of separation anxiety, at other times reluctance is meant to show loyalty to the parent the child is leaving.
Children can be resistant to change and transitions can be difficult for them. Sometimes children will not want to leave one parent and this could be the result of many things, not necessarily a real desire not to see the other parent.  Separation anxiety, misplaced loyalty or simply a reaction to all the changes a child may be facing can be common reasons for resistance to visits.


It is important to continue to ensure the child sees the other parent, and to encourage the child to look forward to the visit. Even when the child seems adamant about not going, you must compel the child to go. Where a parenting schedule takes the form of a court order, the court will place the blame for a missed visit on you, not the child.
The Family Law Act confirms that when determining what parenting plan is in a child’s best interests, the court and the parties must consider the child’s “view, unless it would be inappropriate to consider them” (section 37(2)(b)).


From the point of view of the parent expecting the visit, do not take the child's reactions personally, and avoid blaming the other parent. Most often the refusal or reluctance has more to do with the change in residence or a temper tantrum, rather than with a genuine reluctance to see the parent.
There is no age provided in the Family Law Act as to when a child’s views are to determine their own parenting schedule.  While people typically think  the age of12 is somehow a determining age for when children can make their own decisions on their own parenting schedule, this age is not confirmed nor reflected in the language of the Family Law Act.  


If the child's refusal is sudden and the child is highly resistant to the visit, you may want to take the child to a counsellor to confirm that the reasons for the child's refusal are not serious.
Generally, children should not have to be responsible for making their own parenting arrangements or be involved in negotiating that issue between their parents. If a child is saying that he or she does not want to see the other parent, then that is a factor the parents need to consider.  A child’s voice must be heard; however, it is important to make the distinction between a child having a “voice” compared to a child making a “choice”. 
 
A child’s interests are not necessarily served by limiting contact with one parent when a child requests it.  It is important to know why a child is taking a resistant position and to address any underlying factors that may be affecting the child’s choice in the matter. 
 
Private counselors and other resources, such as the Hear the Child Society or Voice of the Child reports by Family Justice Workers can aid parents when this type of behaviour occurs.  If a child is consistently refusing to see the other parent, then it is important to know why.


====Parents' refusal to visit====
====Parents' refusal to visit====
Justin Werb
31

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