Difference between revisions of "Parenting Apart"

Over the past ten years or so, the courts and policy makers have become increasingly sensitive to how the words used to describe a parent's involvement with his or her child can impact on both the child's and the parent's perception of that relationship. As a result, joint custody is becoming increasingly the standard, even in situations where, twenty years ago, Parent A would be described as the "access parent" and Parent B would be described as the "custodial parent." The phrase "access parent" can often lead to a sense, shared by everyone, including the children, that this parent is somehow a lesser parent, has less of a role to play, or is less important to his or her child's life. It also encourages the idea that there are "winning parents" and "losing parents" in custody disputes, when really the main winner or loser is the child.

Words like "custody" and "access," used in the federal ''[[Divorce Act]]'', are loaded terms with a lot of extra meanings that aren't particularly helpful to the children, or to each parent's view of his or her role with the children. This is one reason why the newer provincial ''[[Family Law Act]]'' talks about the care of children in terms of guardians who exercise ''parental responsibilities'' and have ''parenting time'' with their children, and people who are not guardians who have ''contact'' with a child. This is a huge improvement, and the language of the ''[[Family Law Act]]'' should be used whenever possible.

I am not a psychologist, a psychiatrist or a counsellor. As a result this section should be read with a grain of salt, as it is based on my observations of my clients' experiences and a healthy dose of common sense. For the same reason you are cautioned that this section should not be used as an authority for the propositions it sets out.

Secondly, there are a ton of [http://www.clicklaw.bc.ca/question/commonquestion/1010 Parenting After Separation (PAS) programs] conducted by trained psychologists and counsellors available throughout British Columbia. If you are separating or have separated, I highly recommend that you attend one of these programs, no matter how good (or bad!) you think your relationship is with your ex-partner. Also, in some cases, you, your former partner, or both of you may be ordered by the court to attend a Parenting After Separation program.