Difference between revisions of "How Do I Start a Collaborative Process with My Spouse?"
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==Pick the right moment== | ==Pick the right moment== | ||
You can't force your ex to start a collaborative settlement process with you, you can only do it with his or her agreement | You can't force your ex to start a collaborative settlement process with you, you can only do it with his or her agreement. Your ex isn't likely to agree to try a collaborative approach to settlement if he or she is still pissed off about a recent <span class="noglossary">argument</span> or is still resentful about the end of the relationship. | ||
When you've got the right moment, suggesting a collaborative settlement process can be as simple as calling your ex up and inviting him or her out for a cup of coffee at the local Tim Hortons: | When you've got the right moment, suggesting a collaborative settlement process can be as simple as calling your ex up and inviting him or her out for a cup of coffee at the local Tim Hortons: | ||
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*you'll be done in a fraction of the time that you would have spent in court. | *you'll be done in a fraction of the time that you would have spent in court. | ||
Going to trial <span class="noglossary">will</span> cost a minimum of $15,000 in lawyer's fees for a two- or three-day trial. Most family law trials are one or two weeks long, and this figure ignores the <span class="noglossary">costs</span> of all the other things that have to happen before you walk into | Going to trial <span class="noglossary">will</span> cost a minimum of $15,000 in lawyer's fees for a two- or three-day trial. Most family law trials are one or two weeks long, and this figure ignores the <span class="noglossary">costs</span> of all the other things that have to happen before you walk into the courtroom on day one! | ||
If this doesn't get your ex to agree to try a collaborative approach, tell him or her to ask separated friends, family members and co-workers how much it cost for their court proceedings and how long it took to go from start to finish. | If this doesn't get your ex to agree to try a collaborative approach, tell him or her to ask separated friends, family members and co-workers how much it cost for their court proceedings and how long it took to go from start to finish. | ||
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Now that your ex has agreed to a collaborative settlement process, you each need to hire a lawyer trained in collaborative practices and get the process underway. | Now that your ex has agreed to a collaborative settlement process, you each need to hire a lawyer trained in collaborative practices and get the process underway. | ||
Lawyers who work in a collaborative practice model <span class="noglossary">will</span> say as much in their advertising. You can also do an | Lawyers who work in a collaborative practice model <span class="noglossary">will</span> say as much in their advertising. You can also do an internet search for "collaborative lawyer bc" that <span class="noglossary">will</span> give you a list of collaborative lawyers and, even better, collaborative practice groups in your neighbourhood. | ||
Collaborative practice groups <span class="noglossary">will</span> have lists of their members who are lawyers, mental health professionals and financial specialists, and the odds are pretty good that if you find a collaborative lawyer who you think you'll work well with, the lawyer <span class="noglossary">will</span> be able to recommend a handful of other lawyers from the same practice group for your ex. | |||
Before you hire your lawyer, first ask around. Have any of your friends used a collaborative lawyer, and what did they think of him or her? If that doesn't work, call a family law lawyer. Most family law lawyers, even family law lawyers who aren't trained in collaborative processes, <span class="noglossary">will</span> be able to recommend you to someone they think highly of. | Before you hire your lawyer, first ask around. Have any of your friends used a collaborative lawyer, and what did they think of him or her? If that doesn't work, call a family law lawyer. Most family law lawyers, even family law lawyers who aren't trained in collaborative processes, <span class="noglossary">will</span> be able to recommend you to someone they think highly of. | ||
==For more information== | |||
You can find out more about collaborative processes in the chapter [[Resolving Family Law Problems out of Court]]. | |||