Difference between revisions of "How Do I Start a Collaborative Process with My Spouse?"
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==Pick the right moment== | ==Pick the right moment== | ||
You can't force your ex to start a collaborative settlement process with you, you can only do it with | You can't force your ex to start a collaborative settlement process with you, you can only do it with their agreement. Your ex isn't likely to agree to try a collaborative approach to settlement if they are still pissed off about a recent <span class="noglossary">argument</span> or still resentful about the end of the relationship. | ||
When you've got the right moment, suggesting a collaborative settlement process can be as simple as calling your ex up and inviting | When you've got the right moment, suggesting a collaborative settlement process can be as simple as calling your ex up and inviting them out for a cup of coffee at the local Tim Hortons: | ||
<blockquote>"Hey look, I think it's time that we sat down and started to talk about things. I know you're still a bit upset about everything, but we really need to make a few decisions and I don't think we're going to be able to do this on our own. I've asked my friend Harkamal what happened with her and Baljinder, and she said that they used a collaborative settlement process."</blockquote> | <blockquote>"Hey look, I think it's time that we sat down and started to talk about things. I know you're still a bit upset about everything, but we really need to make a few decisions and I don't think we're going to be able to do this on our own. I've asked my friend Harkamal what happened with her and Baljinder, and she said that they used a collaborative settlement process."</blockquote> | ||
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Going to trial <span class="noglossary">will</span> cost a minimum of $15,000 in lawyer's fees for a two- or three-day trial. Most family law trials are one or two weeks long, and this figure ignores the <span class="noglossary">costs</span> of all the other things that have to happen before you walk into the courtroom on day one! | Going to trial <span class="noglossary">will</span> cost a minimum of $15,000 in lawyer's fees for a two- or three-day trial. Most family law trials are one or two weeks long, and this figure ignores the <span class="noglossary">costs</span> of all the other things that have to happen before you walk into the courtroom on day one! | ||
If this doesn't get your ex to agree to try a collaborative approach, tell | If this doesn't get your ex to agree to try a collaborative approach, tell them to ask separated friends, family members and co-workers how much it cost for their court proceedings and how long it took to go from start to finish. | ||
==Hire collaborative lawyers== | ==Hire collaborative lawyers== | ||
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Collaborative practice groups <span class="noglossary">will</span> have lists of their members who are lawyers, mental health professionals and financial specialists, and the odds are pretty good that if you find a collaborative lawyer who you think you'll work well with, the lawyer <span class="noglossary">will</span> be able to recommend a handful of other lawyers from the same practice group for your ex. | Collaborative practice groups <span class="noglossary">will</span> have lists of their members who are lawyers, mental health professionals and financial specialists, and the odds are pretty good that if you find a collaborative lawyer who you think you'll work well with, the lawyer <span class="noglossary">will</span> be able to recommend a handful of other lawyers from the same practice group for your ex. | ||
Before you hire your lawyer, first ask around. Have any of your friends used a collaborative lawyer, and what did they think of | Before you hire your lawyer, first ask around. Have any of your friends used a collaborative lawyer, and what did they think of them? If that doesn't work, call a family law lawyer. Most family law lawyers, even family law lawyers who aren't trained in collaborative processes, <span class="noglossary">will</span> be able to recommend you to someone they think highly of. | ||
==For more information== | ==For more information== | ||