Difference between revisions of "Resolving Family Law Problems out of Court"

There are many alternatives to going to court if you have a family law problem. Depending on your particular circumstances, you may never need to darken the doorway of a courtroom. Almost very issue a couple faces when their relationship breaks down can be handled without litigation, as long as both people are open to negotiation and each is flexible enough to find compromise. The only thing you must go to court for is a divorce order.

This chapter provides a brief description of the different alternatives to court, including parenting coordination, and the different ways that settlements and agreements can be recorded. It will also review what can happen when a party has a change of heart after an agreement has been reached.

The fundamental goal shared by all alternatives to the litigation process is arriving at a settlement of the issues in dispute between the parties, particularly those which could have been fought about in court. As you might expect, coming to this sort of agreement requires a certain amount of flexibility and maturity. Most importantly, the parties must understand that neither of them is going to get everything they want. Whatever a person's wish list might be going into negotiations, the end result always represents a compromise and an accommodation of the other party's own goals, wishes and expectations.

Although it is not always possible to avoid court, such as when one or both people are so pig-headed that they won't or can't compromise their position or where a party must take urgent court action to restrain the other from doing something, out-of-court alternatives always offer a cheaper, friendlier resolution to the breakdown of a relationship and are far less stressful and disruptive to the parties and to their children.

It is especially important to negotiate a settlement when children are involved. Where there are no children, a couple can walk away from their relationship and have nothing more to do with one another for the rest of their lives. Where there are children, however, a couple can expect to be involved with each other, whether they like it or not, for the next five, twenty or forty years. Both parents will want to be at the child's high school graduation, both will want to attend parent-teacher meetings, and both will want to go to school concerts and sports days, and the child will want both parents to be there too. No matter how tense or awkward the relationship between the parents is, they will both be involved in each other's lives until their child predeceases them. As a result, maintaining a functioning relationship is an absolute necessity, and negotiation gives parents the best chance of doing just that.

For more information about parenting issues after a relationship has ended and how to put the children first in your dispute with the other parent, see the chapter Children > Parenting After Separation. For more information about the emotional issues that come with the end of a long-term relationship and how to keep those issues from hopelessly complicating your dispute, see the chapter Marriage & Divorce > Separating Emotionally.