2,667
edits
Difference between revisions of "Family Law Mediation"
From Clicklaw Wikibooks
no edit summary
| Line 56: | Line 56: | ||
Assuming the mediation process is successful, the mediator will often prepare a list describing how each issue has been resolved called "minutes of settlement." The minutes are usually rather informal and are meant to record the bare bones of the settlement in the expectation that a more complete document, like a separation agreement or a consent order, will be prepared in the future. The parties and sometimes their lawyers will be asked to sign the minutes to acknowledge the settlement that was reached. | Assuming the mediation process is successful, the mediator will often prepare a list describing how each issue has been resolved called "minutes of settlement." The minutes are usually rather informal and are meant to record the bare bones of the settlement in the expectation that a more complete document, like a separation agreement or a consent order, will be prepared in the future. The parties and sometimes their lawyers will be asked to sign the minutes to acknowledge the settlement that was reached. | ||
===Formalizing the | ===Formalizing the Settlement=== | ||
The final stage involves the putting the terms of the agreement into more formal language in a legal document which both parties, or, depending on the type of document, their lawyers will sign. Typically, a settlement will be recorded as a separation agreement or, if there is an existing court proceeding or the parties need to get divorced, an order that the parties agree the court should make. | The final stage involves the putting the terms of the agreement into more formal language in a legal document which both parties, or, depending on the type of document, their lawyers will sign. Typically, a settlement will be recorded as a separation agreement or, if there is an existing court proceeding or the parties need to get divorced, an order that the parties agree the court should make. | ||
| Line 66: | Line 66: | ||
==Tips for Successful Mediation== | ==Tips for Successful Mediation== | ||
In mediation, as in all other forms of negotiation, the goal is to produce a fair agreement in an efficient and cooperative way. There are lots of things you can | In mediation, as in all other forms of negotiation, the goal is to produce a fair agreement in an efficient and cooperative way. There are lots of things you can do that will hinder this process and other things you can do that will help. The following are a few tips on how to make mediation work for you. | ||
Firstly, remember that the more you argue about a particular position of yours, the more you wind up being stuck with that position. Many people find that after they've argued a particular point to death, they're stuck with it because they can't back down without losing face. Try to focus on interests rather than on positions, and to ask yourself "Why not?" when you hear what the other side has to say. | Firstly, remember that the more you argue about a particular position of yours, the more you wind up being stuck with that position. Many people find that after they've argued a particular point to death, they're stuck with it because they can't back down without losing face. Try to focus on interests rather than on positions, and to always ask yourself "Why not?" when you hear what the other side has to say. | ||
Secondly, one of the most important skills you can bring to your mediation session is the ability to actively listen to what the other side is saying. | Secondly, one of the most important skills you can bring to your mediation session is the ability to actively listen to what the other side is saying. Active listening involves paying close attention to what the other side is saying, and restating his or her position to ensure that you know what the other side means and to ensure that the other side recognizes that you're hearing what he or she is saying. Phrases like "What I hear you saying is..." and "If I understand you correctly, what you're saying is..." can be extremely helpful. At the same time, you must also take some care in how you choose to express yourself. Instead of saying "You did..." or "You're a...," trying something like "When you did that I felt..." or "I feel that..." This may all seem a bit flaky, but believe it or not it works. | ||
Thirdly, you must be able to talk directly about a problem in an assertive, direct manner. Talk about the issues; don't skirt around them, no matter how uncomfortable or awkward you might feel. Take care in how you express yourself, but when you're in a private session with the mediator, don't mince words. | Thirdly, you must be able to talk directly about a problem in an assertive, direct manner. Talk about the issues; don't skirt around them, no matter how uncomfortable or awkward you might feel. Take care in how you express yourself, but when you're in a private session with the mediator, don't mince words. | ||
===Things to Do=== | ===Things to Do=== | ||
Be honest. Trust is essential to the mediation process. | The following points boil down to just a few central ideas: respect yourself and the other side; be flexible and avoid taking absolute positions; and, be honest and open. When you go into the mediation session, try to have a few options prepared, a few other alternatives which you might be happy with, rather than a single fixed, rigid goal. | ||
Be empathetic. Use phrases that indicate you understand and respect how the other party is feeling and thinking, like "I understand how you're feeling..." or | |||
Ask for a break when you're feeling too wound up or upset to continue | * Be honest. Trust is essential to the mediation process. | ||
Dress comfortably and be prompt. | * Be empathetic. Use phrases that indicate you understand and respect how the other party is feeling and thinking, like "I understand how you're feeling..." or "I appreciate the effort you've put into this..." | ||
If you disagree with something, say so. You must respect and articulate your own thoughts, opinions and feelings. | * Ask for a break when you're feeling too wound up or upset to continue rather than abandoning the session. | ||
Bring | * Dress comfortably and be prompt. | ||
Watch your body language! Making disgusted grunts, rolling your eyes or slamming your fist on the table | * If you disagree with something, say so. You must respect, and articulate, your own thoughts, opinions and feelings. | ||
* Bring the documents you were asked to bring. If you don't, matters will only be delayed and the other side may be irritated by the inconvenience. | |||
* Watch your body language! Making disgusted grunts, rolling your eyes or slamming your fist on the table won't help anything. | |||
===Things Not to Do=== | ===Things Not to Do=== | ||
Suspicion and dishonesty will damage the mediation process, sometimes beyond repair. If the mediator doesn't believe you and the other party doesn't believe you, it | Suspicion and dishonesty will damage the mediation process, sometimes beyond repair. If the mediator doesn't believe you and the other party doesn't believe you, it might be impossible to arrive at a negotiated settlement. Likewise, bitterness, jealousy and resentment can also be triggers that undermine each party's faith in the other and make resolution by a judge at a trial inevitable. | ||
Try to avoid letting your emotions get tangled up with your analysis of the problem at hand. | Try to avoid letting your emotions get tangled up with your analysis of the problem at hand. | ||
Don't hide information, | * Don't hide information, financial or otherwise, on the assumption that the other party won't find out. They usually do, and if they do the process is likely at an end. | ||
Don't raise your voice or make comments that are hurtful. | * Don't raise your voice or make comments that are hurtful. | ||
Don't | * Don't interrupt. Wait until each person has stopped speaking before you interject, no matter how upset you might feel with what he or she is saying. | ||
Negotiations are stressful, but don't use drugs or alcohol to calm your nerves. Drugs and alcohol will impair your judgment and reduce your ability to be objective. | * Negotiations are stressful, but don't use drugs or alcohol to calm your nerves. Drugs and alcohol will impair your judgment and reduce your ability to be objective. | ||
Don't feel that you must give an instant answer when you can't. Take a few moments or a few minutes to compose your reply; no one will begrudge a considered response. | * Don't feel that you must give an instant answer when you can't. Take a few moments or a few minutes to compose your reply; no one will begrudge a considered response. | ||
Don't make personal attacks or threats. | * Don't make personal attacks or threats. | ||
Don't play on the other person's sense of guilt or otherwise be emotionally manipulative | * Don't play on the other person's sense of guilt or otherwise be emotionally manipulative. | ||
== | ==Government Mediation Services== | ||
The provincial government offers mediation for family law disputes through the Family Mediation Practicum Project and the Provincial Court's family justice counsellor program. Other agencies and organizations may provide mediation services, like UBC's CoRe Conflict Resolution Centre, however make sure that they can help with family law disputes before trying to get help. | |||
===The Family Mediation Practicum Project=== | |||
The <span style="color: red;">Family Mediation Practicum Project</span> is run by the provincial Ministry of Justice and has two goals, to help people involved in a family law dispute resolve their differences out of court through mediation and to train new mediators. The Family Mediation Practicum Project is free and can deal with simple property disputes, issues involving the care and control of children, child support and spousal support. | |||
= | :::: <span style="color: red;">contact information</span> | ||
===The Family Mediation Practicum Project=== | |||
Mediation is also available from family justice counsellors through those Provincial Court registries that are designated as Family Justice Centres. Family justice counsellors are fully trained mediators, certified by <span style="color: red;">Family Mediation Canada</span>, who work with separated parents to assist in resolving disputes over the care of children, child support and spousal support. Family justice counsellors can't deal with property issues and they usually can't help with support when someone's income is not straightforward. | |||
:::: <span style="color: red;">contact information</span> | |||
:::: <span style="color: red;">list of family justice centres</span> | |||
==Further Reading in this Chapter== | ==Further Reading in this Chapter== | ||
| Line 129: | Line 122: | ||
Return to the <span style="color: red;">first page</span> in this chapter. | Return to the <span style="color: red;">first page</span> in this chapter. | ||
* <span style="color: red;"> | * <span style="color: red;">Collaborative Processes</span> | ||
* <span style="color: red;">Arbitration</span> | * <span style="color: red;">Arbitration</span> | ||
* <span style="color: red;">Parenting Coordination</span> | * <span style="color: red;">Parenting Coordination</span> | ||
| Line 146: | Line 139: | ||
===Downloads=== | ===Downloads=== | ||
The link below will open a sample | The link below will open a sample mediation participation agreement in a new window. You may require a PDF reader to view this file; Adobe Acrobat Reader is a free PDF reader available for download from <span style="color: red;">Adobe Software</span>. In this sample, Jane Doe and John Doe are entering into a participation agreement with their family law mediator, Robert Smith. | ||
:::: <span style="color: red;">Mediation Agreement</span> (PDF) | |||
This sample document is just that: a sample. While it represents a more or less accurate picture of how these sorts of agreements might look, it may not be applicable to your situation and may not reflect the terms of the agreement you will sign if you decide to use mediation. Use it as a reference only. | |||
{{JP Boyd on Family Law Navbox|type=chapters}} | {{JP Boyd on Family Law Navbox|type=chapters}} | ||
