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Children Who Resist Seeing a Parent (view source)
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D.S. Huntington, in an article published in 1986 in Divorce and Fatherhood, noted that some parents can be driven off by a child's apparent rejection and refusal to visit. J.W. Jacobs, in a different article in the same book, says that targeted parents may also "voluntarily" withdraw from the child's life where, in their view, the child would suffer if the custody issues were pursued or if the child would be exposed to additional conflict between the parents. | D.S. Huntington, in an article published in 1986 in Divorce and Fatherhood, noted that some parents can be driven off by a child's apparent rejection and refusal to visit. J.W. Jacobs, in a different article in the same book, says that targeted parents may also "voluntarily" withdraw from the child's life where, in their view, the child would suffer if the custody issues were pursued or if the child would be exposed to additional conflict between the parents. | ||
====Contributing to the | ====Contributing to the problem==== | ||
Johnston has described ways that a | Johnston has described ways that a targeted parent can inadvertently contribute to the child's alienation by displaying the sorts of behaviours that the alienating parent has taught the child to expect. These sorts of behaviours include: being cold and emotionally distant; being rigid and controlling; being insensitive to the child's needs; and, not being empathetic. These sorts of behaviours may reinforce the alientating parent's position and make the environment provided by the alienating parent compare favourably to that of the targetted parent. | ||
====False | ====False claims of abuse==== | ||
In cases that are profoundly high conflict, false claims may be made, usually by the alienating parent, that the other parent has sexually or physically abused the child. Sometimes this is the fruit of the paranoia with which the alienating parent views the other parent, when a diaper rash turns into sexual assault and a bruise from falling off a jungle gym turns into proof of a beating. Sometimes, however, false claims are a part of the campaign to alienate the other parent when the alienation is intentional. | In cases that are profoundly high conflict, false claims may be made, usually by the alienating parent, that the other parent has sexually or physically abused the child. Sometimes this is the fruit of the paranoia with which the alienating parent views the other parent, when a diaper rash turns into sexual assault and a bruise from falling off a jungle gym turns into proof of a beating. Sometimes, however, false claims are a part of the campaign to alienate the other parent when the alienation is intentional. | ||
For the | For the targeted parent, claims of this nature are devastating because they are so very difficult to disprove and they attack the moral fitness of the parent in a fundamental and humiliating way. While the claim is being defended, however, the parent may spends months without seeing his or her child. Even if the claim can be disproven, the parent may find that so much time has been lost that his or her relationship with the child is damaged. (Note that even unproven claims may result in arrest and possible criminal charges. Even where there are no criminal charges, a parent who has been arrested is invariably released following arrest on a promise not to contact the other parent or the child.) | ||
Interestingly, K.L. Ross and G.J. Blush, in an article published in in 1990 in ''Issues in Child Abuse Allegations'', observed that falsely accused parents typically displayed passive behaviour in contrast to the accuser's excitable and hysterical behaviour. An American attorney Dr. Rand mentions says that the falsely accused parents she represents in parental alienation cases are typically emotionally and financially stable people, who were often the child's primary parent before separation. | Interestingly, K.L. Ross and G.J. Blush, in an article published in in 1990 in ''Issues in Child Abuse Allegations'', observed that falsely accused parents typically displayed passive behaviour in contrast to the accuser's excitable and hysterical behaviour. An American attorney Dr. Rand mentions says that the falsely accused parents she represents in parental alienation cases are typically emotionally and financially stable people, who were often the child's primary parent before separation. | ||
==Dealing with | ==Dealing with estranged or alienated children== | ||
When a child is becoming estranged or alienated, or when parental alienation is suspected, the situation must be dealt with as soon as possible. In most cases, these sorts of problems occur in the context of on-going litigation, and the problem can usually be dealt with in the context of that litigation. | When a child is becoming estranged or alienated, or when parental alienation is suspected, the situation must be dealt with as soon as possible. In most cases, these sorts of problems occur in the context of on-going litigation, and the problem can usually be dealt with in the context of that litigation. | ||
===Needs of the | ===Needs of the child assessments=== | ||
Section 211 of the ''Family Law Act'' allows a court to order that a needs of the child assessment, formerly called a custody and access report, be prepared. If the other parent will not agree to the preparation of a needs of the child assessment, you must apply for an order that the report be prepared. | Section 211 of the ''[[Family Law Act]]'' allows a court to order that a needs of the child assessment, formerly called a custody and access report, be prepared. If the other parent will not agree to the preparation of a needs of the child assessment, you must apply for an order that the report be prepared. | ||
Proper needs of the child assessment are prepared by a psychologist or a psychiatrist, or another mental health professional, who interviews each of the parents separately, and then interviews the child twice, once in the presence of each parent. The assessor may also give the children and the parents certain common psychological tests, such as personality evaluations and parenting inventories. Most often it's only the parents who are tested. The assessor will then prepare a report which sets out his or her observations and recommendations. | Proper needs of the child assessment are prepared by a psychologist or a psychiatrist, or another mental health professional, who interviews each of the parents separately, and then interviews the child twice, once in the presence of each parent. The assessor may also give the children and the parents certain common psychological tests, such as personality evaluations and parenting inventories. Most often it's only the parents who are tested. The assessor will then prepare a report which sets out his or her observations and recommendations. | ||
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In making an order that a needs of the child assessment be prepared, the court can simply say "a report will be prepared" or it can be more detailed and discuss which person will prepare the report, when it will be finished and who will pay for it. Most importantly, the order can identify particular issues that the assessor is to address in the report. Where a report is sought because of suspected parental alienation, the order should expressly state that the assessor is to see whether alienation is or is not happening. | In making an order that a needs of the child assessment be prepared, the court can simply say "a report will be prepared" or it can be more detailed and discuss which person will prepare the report, when it will be finished and who will pay for it. Most importantly, the order can identify particular issues that the assessor is to address in the report. Where a report is sought because of suspected parental alienation, the order should expressly state that the assessor is to see whether alienation is or is not happening. | ||
===Fixing the | ===Fixing the problem=== | ||
Frankly, it may be impossible to fix a child's alienation from one of his or her parents even when alienation has been identified by a psychiatrist. In a 1988 article by N.R. Palmer published in the American Journal of Family Therapy, she quotes a Florida judge who dealt with an alienation case: | Frankly, it may be impossible to fix a child's alienation from one of his or her parents even when alienation has been identified by a psychiatrist. In a 1988 article by N.R. Palmer published in the American Journal of Family Therapy, she quotes a Florida judge who dealt with an alienation case: | ||
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<blockquote>"The Court has no doubt that the cause of the blind, brainwashed, bigoted belligerence of the children toward the father grew from the soil nurtured, watered and tilled by the mother. The Court is thoroughly convinced that the mother breached every duty she owed as the custodial parent to the noncustodial parent of instilling love, respect and feeling in the children for their father. Worse, she slowly dripped poison into the minds of these children, maybe even beyond the power of this Court to find the antidote."</blockquote> | <blockquote>"The Court has no doubt that the cause of the blind, brainwashed, bigoted belligerence of the children toward the father grew from the soil nurtured, watered and tilled by the mother. The Court is thoroughly convinced that the mother breached every duty she owed as the custodial parent to the noncustodial parent of instilling love, respect and feeling in the children for their father. Worse, she slowly dripped poison into the minds of these children, maybe even beyond the power of this Court to find the antidote."</blockquote> | ||
Dr. Gardner's solution was to remove the child from the care of the alienating parent. This is, in most cases, a drastic solution which forces the child to live full-time with the parent he or she has been taught to dislike and distrust. It may still be appropriate in the right circumstances. This is what the Supreme Court did in the 2009 case of ''A.A. v. S.N.A.'', when it found that the mother had "continued to undermine the relationship between [the child] and her father" and "acted in ways that are detrimental to [the child's] psychological healing," and ordered that the child have no contact with her mother at all for one year. This kind of solution remains the exception rather than the rule. | Dr. Gardner's solution was to remove the child from the care of the alienating parent. This is, in most cases, a drastic solution which forces the child to live full-time with the parent he or she has been taught to dislike and distrust. It may still be appropriate in the right circumstances. This is what the Supreme Court did in the 2009 case of ''[http://canlii.ca/t/22pjw A.A. v. S.N.A.]'', 2009 BCSC 303 when it found that the mother had "continued to undermine the relationship between [the child] and her father" and "acted in ways that are detrimental to [the child's] psychological healing," and ordered that the child have no contact with her mother at all for one year. This kind of solution remains the exception rather than the rule. | ||
In most cases, however, the best that can be done to "cure" the problem is to obtain an order requiring that the child, the alienated parent, or both the child and the parent see a family counsellor skilled in dealing with the psychological effects of separation. The court can specify who the counsellor will be, how frequent the sessions will be and who will pay for them. There is no guarantee that counselling will fix the problem since the source of the problem lies in the conduct of the alienating parent, but counselling is a less drastic step and will be easier to obtain than an order changing the children's home. | In most cases, however, the best that can be done to "cure" the problem is to obtain an order requiring that the child, the alienated parent, or both the child and the parent see a family counsellor skilled in dealing with the psychological effects of separation. The court can specify who the counsellor will be, how frequent the sessions will be and who will pay for them. There is no guarantee that counselling will fix the problem since the source of the problem lies in the conduct of the alienating parent, but counselling is a less drastic step and will be easier to obtain than an order changing the children's home. | ||
In a small number of cases, it may prove impossible to ameliorate an alienated child's views about the targetted parent. These cases are tragic and a legal solution may not be available. When the alienation becomes deeply entrenched, the children's views about the other parent are become the fact of how they feel about the other parent, and the issue about which parent bears the blame for those views is irrelevant. You can lay blame, but that won't change the fact of how the children feel. In situations like this, the | In a small number of cases, it may prove impossible to ameliorate an alienated child's views about the targetted parent. These cases are tragic and a legal solution may not be available. When the alienation becomes deeply entrenched, the children's views about the other parent are become the fact of how they feel about the other parent, and the issue about which parent bears the blame for those views is irrelevant. You can lay blame, but that won't change the fact of how the children feel. In situations like this, the targeted parent may have no choice but to wait until the children become mature and independent enough to seek out the parent and talk about their childhood. | ||
The Fall 2008 edition of ''AFCC News'', an organ of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts, discusses a ground-breaking program for alienated and estranged children called Breaking Barriers Camp. The program involved all family members in intensive therapy in an overnight camp setting, at a facility called Common Ground Center in Starksboro, Vermont, with enormous amounts of support available to encourage reunification between parents and their children. The program, by the article's account, was a stunning success, with four of five families leaving with mutually agreed plans to continue working on the re-established parent-child relationship. | The Fall 2008 edition of ''AFCC News'', an organ of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts, discusses a ground-breaking program for alienated and estranged children called Breaking Barriers Camp. The program involved all family members in intensive therapy in an overnight camp setting, at a facility called Common Ground Center in Starksboro, Vermont, with enormous amounts of support available to encourage reunification between parents and their children. The program, by the article's account, was a stunning success, with four of five families leaving with mutually agreed plans to continue working on the re-established parent-child relationship. | ||
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The following lists of resources are not, of course, encyclopaedic. There are doubtless many valuable studies, articles and websites which I have overlooked; doing your own research is always recommended. | The following lists of resources are not, of course, encyclopaedic. There are doubtless many valuable studies, articles and websites which I have overlooked; doing your own research is always recommended. | ||
===Academic | ===Academic materials=== | ||
The January 2010 edition of Family Court Review, published by the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts, is entirely devoted to the issue of alienated and estranged children. If you can get your hands on a copy, you should. It offers an up-to-date look at current court practices and the latest literature on the subject and was edited by two prominent Canadians, Professor Nick Bala, a law professor at Queen's University, and Dr. Barbara Jo Fidler, a psychologist and mediator based in Toronto. | The January 2010 edition of [http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/fcre.2010.48.issue-1/issuetoc Family Court Review], published by the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts, is entirely devoted to the issue of alienated and estranged children. If you can get your hands on a copy, you should. It offers an up-to-date look at current court practices and the latest literature on the subject and was edited by two prominent Canadians, Professor Nick Bala, a law professor at Queen's University, and Dr. Barbara Jo Fidler, a psychologist and mediator based in Toronto. | ||
The following articles were suggested as recommended readings on child alienation and estrangement by Dr. Joan Kelly at a June 2005 seminar in Vancouver. | The following articles were suggested as recommended readings on child alienation and estrangement by Dr. Joan Kelly at a June 2005 seminar in Vancouver. | ||
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*Wood, C. (1994) "The parental alienation syndrome: A dangerous aura of reliability." Loyola of Los Angeles Law Review | *Wood, C. (1994) "The parental alienation syndrome: A dangerous aura of reliability." Loyola of Los Angeles Law Review | ||
===Online | ===Online information=== | ||
The web is full of resources about parental alienation. Much of the information available online is, however, crap. Look about the web and educate yourself about alienation, but be cautious about the sources of what you're reading. Stick to information published by academics, lawyers, psychiatrists and psychologists, and avoid anonymous websites, websites sponsored by special interest groups that are likely to be biased, sensationalist websites, and websites that don't give a source for their data or their conclusions. The most reliable sort of online information is that which has been reproduced from a professional journal. | The web is full of resources about parental alienation. Much of the information available online is, however, crap. Look about the web and educate yourself about alienation, but be cautious about the sources of what you're reading. Stick to information published by academics, lawyers, psychiatrists and psychologists, and avoid anonymous websites, websites sponsored by special interest groups that are likely to be biased, sensationalist websites, and websites that don't give a source for their data or their conclusions. The most reliable sort of online information is that which has been reproduced from a professional journal. | ||
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A final note of caution. Many of the groups you'll find online that offer information on alienation and PAS, such as Fathers Are Capable Too, seem to regard PAS as a men's rights or father's rights issue. In part this is because the majority of alienating parents are mothers. However, some of these sites go too far and identify feminism, or rather their prejudice against feminism, with the small number of women who engage in alienating behaviour. Fathers also engage in alienating behaviour. Take care in your sources of information and make sure you're reading between the lines. | A final note of caution. Many of the groups you'll find online that offer information on alienation and PAS, such as Fathers Are Capable Too, seem to regard PAS as a men's rights or father's rights issue. In part this is because the majority of alienating parents are mothers. However, some of these sites go too far and identify feminism, or rather their prejudice against feminism, with the small number of women who engage in alienating behaviour. Fathers also engage in alienating behaviour. Take care in your sources of information and make sure you're reading between the lines. | ||
<!--- HIDDEN | |||
==Further Reading in this Chapter== | ==Further Reading in this Chapter== | ||
* <span style="color: red;">bulleted list of other pages in this chapter, linked</span> | * <span style="color: red;">bulleted list of other pages in this chapter, linked</span> | ||
END HIDDEN---> | |||
==Page | ==Page resources and links== | ||
===Legislation=== | ===Legislation=== | ||
