Parenting Apart: Difference between revisions
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*Children can best deal with their feelings surrounding the separation experience in a climate of cooperation. | *Children can best deal with their feelings surrounding the separation experience in a climate of cooperation. | ||
*Working together as parents means cooperating with the other parent about raising the children. If you can't do this in person, try by phone or by using notes that are exchanged with the child. | *Working together as parents means cooperating with the other parent about raising the children. If you can't do this in person, try communicating by phone or by using notes that are exchanged with the child. (Never ask your child to deliver notes to the other parent!) | ||
*It is a myth that parents who were not able to get along as a couple cannot work together as parents. They can. It does take time and effort | *It is a myth that parents who were not able to get along as a couple cannot work together as parents. They can. It does take time and effort to redfine the relationship and expectations from being a couple, to a more business-like relationship of partners in the parenting of their children. | ||
*Go directly to the other parent for information, an answer or a solution to a problem. Don’t allow the child to be in the middle, act as a messenger, or act as a spy. If you cannot deal directly with the other parent, use another adult. | *Go directly to the other parent for information, an answer or a solution to a problem. Don’t allow the child to be in the middle, act as a messenger, or act as a spy. If you cannot deal directly with the other parent, use another adult. | ||
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*Don’t let yourself get caught in any angry feelings the child may have towards the other parent. Encourage the children to speak about their difficulties with the other parent to the other parent; don't get caught in the middle. | *Don’t let yourself get caught in any angry feelings the child may have towards the other parent. Encourage the children to speak about their difficulties with the other parent to the other parent; don't get caught in the middle. | ||
Children may be harmed if they: | |||
* | *are restricted or prevented from spending sufficient time with both parents, | ||
* | *are told that one parent is good and the other is bad, | ||
* | *are encouragedd to take sides, or | ||
* | *don't feel free to love both parents and also step-parents. | ||
Parents may harm their chldren if they: | |||
* | *don’t prepare children for changes that will occur. | ||
*Parents | *burden children with adult problems, such as their legal issues or financial woes. | ||
*compete with or criticize the other parent in front of the children, such as by saying "Your mother is always late," or "What did your father feed you?" | |||
*badmouth or blame the other parent in the children’s presence or earshot. | |||
*Parents expect children to comfort them instead of seeking adult interaction. | |||
===Parenting schedules=== | ===Parenting schedules=== | ||
