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Difference between revisions of "Parenting Apart"
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*Children can best deal with their feelings surrounding the separation experience in a climate of cooperation. | *Children can best deal with their feelings surrounding the separation experience in a climate of cooperation. | ||
*Working together as parents means cooperating with the other parent about raising the children. If you can't do this in person, try communicating by phone or by using notes that are exchanged with the child. | *Working together as parents means cooperating with the other parent about raising the children. If you can't do this in person, try communicating by phone or by using notes that are exchanged with the child. | ||
*It is a myth that parents who did not get along as a couple cannot work together as parents. They can. It takes time and effort but parents can redefine the relationship from being a couple, to a more business-like relationship of being partners in the parenting of their children. | *It is a myth that parents who did not get along as a couple cannot work together as parents. They can. It takes time and effort but parents can redefine the relationship from being a couple, to a more business-like relationship of being partners in the parenting of their children. | ||
*Go directly to the other parent for information, an <span class="noglossary">answer</span>, or a solution to a problem. Don’t allow the child to be in the middle, to <span class="noglossary">act</span> as a messenger, or <span class="noglossary">act</span> as a spy. If you cannot deal directly with the other parent, use another adult. | *Go directly to the other parent for information, an <span class="noglossary">answer</span>, or a solution to a problem. Don’t allow the child to be in the middle, to <span class="noglossary">act</span> as a messenger, or <span class="noglossary">act</span> as a spy. If you cannot deal directly with the other parent, use another adult. | ||
*Give the benefit of the doubt to the other parent’s motives. | *Give the benefit of the doubt to the other parent’s motives. | ||
*Don’t let yourself get caught in any angry feelings the child may have towards the other parent. Encourage the children to speak about their difficulties with the other parent to the other parent; don't get caught in the middle. | *Don’t let yourself get caught in any angry feelings the child may have towards the other parent. Encourage the children to speak about their difficulties with the other parent to the other parent; don't get caught in the middle. | ||
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*are restricted or prevented from spending sufficient time with both parents, | *are restricted or prevented from spending sufficient time with both parents, | ||
*are told that one parent is good and the other is bad, | *are told that one parent is good and the other is bad, | ||
*are encouraged to take sides, or | *are encouraged to take sides, or | ||
*don't feel free to love both parents and also stepparents. | *don't feel free to love both parents and also stepparents. | ||
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*don’t prepare children for changes that will occur, | *don’t prepare children for changes that will occur, | ||
*burden children with adult problems, such as their legal issues or financial woes, | *burden children with adult problems, such as their legal issues or financial woes, | ||
*compete with or criticize the other parent in front of the children, | *compete with or criticize the other parent in front of the children, | ||
*badmouth or blame the other parent in the children’s presence or earshot, or | *badmouth or blame the other parent in the children’s presence or earshot, or | ||
*expect children to comfort them. | *expect children to comfort them. | ||