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Resolving Family Law Problems out of Court (view source)
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It is particularly important to negotiate a settlement when a couple have children. Where there are no children, a couple can walk away from their relationship and have nothing more to do with one another for the rest of their lives. However, where there are children, a couple can expect to be involved with each other, whether they like it or not, for the next five, twenty or forty years. Both parents will want to be at the child's high school graduation, both will want to attend parent-teacher meetings, and both will want to go to school concerts and sports days, and their child will want both parents to be there too. No matter how tense or awkward the relationship between the parents is, they will both be involved in each other's lives until they die or their child predeceases them. As a result, maintaining a functioning relationship is an absolute necessity, and negotiation gives parents the best chance of doing just that. | It is particularly important to negotiate a settlement when a couple have children. Where there are no children, a couple can walk away from their relationship and have nothing more to do with one another for the rest of their lives. However, where there are children, a couple can expect to be involved with each other, whether they like it or not, for the next five, twenty or forty years. Both parents will want to be at the child's high school graduation, both will want to attend parent-teacher meetings, and both will want to go to school concerts and sports days, and their child will want both parents to be there too. No matter how tense or awkward the relationship between the parents is, they will both be involved in each other's lives until they die or their child predeceases them. As a result, maintaining a functioning relationship is an absolute necessity, and negotiation gives parents the best chance of doing just that. | ||
For more information about parenting issues after a relationship has ended and how to put the children first in your dispute with the other parent, see the page <span style="color: red;">Children > Parenting After Separation</span>. For more information about the emotional issues that come with the end of a long-term relationship and how to keep those issues from hopelessly complicating your dispute, see the | For more information about parenting issues after a relationship has ended and how to put the children first in your dispute with the other parent, see the page <span style="color: red;">Children > Parenting After Separation</span>. For more information about the emotional issues that tend to come with the end of a long-term relationship and how to keep those issues from hopelessly complicating your dispute, see the page <span style="color: red;">Marriage & Divorce > Separating Emotionally</span>. | ||
===Negotiation=== | ===Negotiation=== | ||
Negotiation is a cooperative effort to resolve a dispute through discussion. Mediation | Negotiation is a cooperative effort to resolve a dispute through discussion. Mediation and collaborative processes are nothing more than structured ways of handling this discussion; they are processes of negotiation. | ||
Couples can negotiate between themselves, with the help of a lawyer, or with the help of a judge at a settlement conference. Negotiation boils down to this: | Couples can negotiate between themselves, with the help of a lawyer, or with the help of a judge at a settlement conference. Negotiation boils down to this: | ||
Pat: "I'll give you 60% of the house sale proceeds if you'll let me keep my Porsche." | <blockquote>Pat: "I'll give you 60% of the house sale proceeds if you'll let me keep my Porsche."</blockquote> | ||
Sandy: "Look, 60% is great, but I need some compensation for my interest in the Porsche. Why not give me 65% of the house and half of your hockey card collection." | <blockquote>Sandy: "Look, 60% is great, but I need some compensation for my interest in the Porsche. Why not give me 65% of the house and half of your hockey card collection."</blockquote> | ||
Pat: "You know how important my hockey card collection is to me. Let me keep my hockey cards, I'll give you 60% of the house, and I'll sell the Porsche and give you | <blockquote>Pat: "You know how important my hockey card collection is to me. Let me keep my hockey cards, I'll give you 60% of the house, and I'll sell the Porsche and give you half of what I get for it. Plus, I'll let you keep your Hyundai."</blockquote> | ||
In negotiation, each person gives a little and takes a little, all in the hope that at the end of the day they'll be able to come to an agreement on all of the issues that have cropped up because of the end of their relationship. If a settlement is reached, the parties almost always put the agreement in some written form. | |||
In a process of negotiation, each person gives a little and takes a little, all in the hope that at the end of the day they'll be able to come to an agreement on all of the issues that have cropped up because of the end of their relationship. If a settlement is reached, the parties almost always put the agreement in some written form; in fact, writing it down is really important. Without some record of the deal that was reached, there's no way to confirm that the deal was if people start remembering things differently. | |||
===Collaborative Processes=== | ===Collaborative Processes=== | ||
Collaborative | Collaborative settlement processes are a kind of structure negotiation in which the parties and their lawyers sign an agreement not to go to court and to work together as a team to find compromise and a settlement. The team can use divorce coaches to address the emotional and psychological issues arising from parties' separation. Other specialists can be recruited to help with particular subjects, such as children's issues or complicated financial problems, as the need arises. | ||
There are collaborative practice groups all over British Columbia. More information about collaborative law can be found at the websites of Collaborative Divorce Vancouver, Metro Vancouver's Collaborative Association, Victoria's Collaborative Family Law Group, and the Okanagan Collaborative Family Law Group, among others. | There are collaborative practice groups all over British Columbia. More information about collaborative law can be found at the websites of <span style="color: red;">Collaborative Divorce Vancouver, Metro Vancouver's Collaborative Association, Victoria's Collaborative Family Law Group, and the Okanagan Collaborative Family Law Group</span>, among others. | ||
===Mediation=== | ===Mediation=== | ||
Mediation is a cooperative negotiation process in which the parties attempt to arrive at a final agreement with the help of a neutral, third-party mediator. A mediator is a person who helps the parties through the process and find compromise. | Mediation is a cooperative negotiation process in which the parties attempt to arrive at a final agreement with the help of a neutral, third-party mediator. A mediator is a person who helps the parties through the process and find compromise. | ||