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Difference between revisions of "Separating Emotionally"
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→A warning about allies
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All of us seek allies as we cope with the end of a relationship. It's human nature. Allies may be found in family members, friends, co-workers, or a new boyfriend or girlfriend. While we all appreciate the support that allies can <span class="noglossary">offer</span>, allies can also polarize your position about your former partner, and sometimes encourage you to take an unreasonable and entrenched position when you need to be more flexible. | All of us seek allies as we cope with the end of a relationship. It's human nature. Allies may be found in family members, friends, co-workers, or a new boyfriend or girlfriend. While we all appreciate the support that allies can <span class="noglossary">offer</span>, allies can also polarize your position about your former partner, and sometimes encourage you to take an unreasonable and entrenched position when you need to be more flexible. | ||
Allies take sides. That's just what they do. Imagine going to your mom or dad in tears, complaining about your former partner. Your parent's job isn't to say "Well, really Bob is a fine person and a great father, you really should lighten up a little and remember his good qualities." Their job is to comfort you, and that often means saying "Yeah, you're right, I can't believe what a complete | Allies take sides. That's just what they do. Imagine going to your mom or dad in tears, complaining about your former partner. Your parent's job isn't to say "Well, really Bob is a fine person and a great father, you really should lighten up a little and remember his good qualities." Their job is to comfort you, and that often means saying "Yeah, you're right, I can't believe what a complete ass Bob is being! Whatever did you see in him anyway?" | ||
You shouldn't stop seeking reassurance and comfort from your allies, but you should try to be alert to the influence allies can have, even though they're not intentionally trying to worsen the issues you and your former partner are dealing with. | You shouldn't stop seeking reassurance and comfort from your allies, but you should try to be alert to the influence allies can have, even though they're not intentionally trying to worsen the issues you and your former partner are dealing with. | ||