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Difference between revisions of "Separating Emotionally"
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→A Warning about Children
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===A Warning about Children=== | ===A Warning about Children=== | ||
It can be extremely tempting to rely on your children to comfort you as you go through the grieving process. One word: don't. Whatever else you do, don't do this. | It can be extremely tempting to rely on your children to comfort you as you go through the grieving process. One word: ''don't''. Whatever else you do, don't do this. | ||
Children will be well aware when something's wrong. They will know when you're upset, when you're withdrawn, and when you're crying. Younger children will react with confusion and possibly fear. Older children who are more emotionally sophisticated will want to comfort you. There's nothing wrong with this either, but you do need to control your emotions. | Children will be well aware when something's wrong. They will know when you're upset, when you're withdrawn, and when you're crying. Younger children will react with confusion and possibly fear. Older children who are more emotionally sophisticated will want to comfort you. There's nothing wrong with this either, but you do need to control your emotions. | ||
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When a child becomes too involved in soothing a parent, there are two main risks: you may develop an overly adult relationship with the child and burden the child with too much information about what's going on, information that is usually age-inappropriate; or, the child may turn into a caretaker, handling your emotions, picking up the housework that's falling behind, and assuming a parenting role towards any younger children. | When a child becomes too involved in soothing a parent, there are two main risks: you may develop an overly adult relationship with the child and burden the child with too much information about what's going on, information that is usually age-inappropriate; or, the child may turn into a caretaker, handling your emotions, picking up the housework that's falling behind, and assuming a parenting role towards any younger children. | ||
According to Dr. Emery, "extreme emotional | According to Dr. Emery, "extreme emotional care taking is developmentally inappropriate and can have long-term consequences on children's mental health." Children who grow up too soon are robbed of their right to be children. In the long-term they have trouble forming meaningful relationships, they may be emotionally distant, and they may be compulsively over-responsible. | ||
==Resolving the Issues== | ==Resolving the Issues== | ||