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Difference between revisions of "Separating Emotionally"
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#settling the legal issues that crop up at the end of a relationship; | #settling the legal issues that crop up at the end of a relationship; | ||
#obtaining reasonable instructions from the client | #obtaining reasonable instructions from the client, | ||
#separating anger from the negotiation process | #separating anger from the negotiation process, | ||
#separating anger from the litigation process | #separating anger from the litigation process, and | ||
#ensuring that the conflict doesn't spill out onto the children. | #ensuring that the conflict doesn't spill out onto the children. | ||
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Angry separations are the sort that lawyers most often wind up dealing with. The epic battles couples engaged in an angry separation are capable of can barely be described. The legal issues arising from the breakup are rarely concluded within two years, and, when there are children, can run for six or more years! A trial rarely resolves issues between these couples, as they will often keep fighting long afterward about real or imagined changes in their respective circumstances following judgment. These couples are also living proof that money doesn't buy happiness — it buys you litigation, and lots of it. | Angry separations are the sort that lawyers most often wind up dealing with. The epic battles couples engaged in an angry separation are capable of can barely be described. The legal issues arising from the breakup are rarely concluded within two years, and, when there are children, can run for six or more years! A trial rarely resolves issues between these couples, as they will often keep fighting long afterward about real or imagined changes in their respective circumstances following judgment. These couples are also living proof that money doesn't buy happiness — it buys you litigation, and lots of it. | ||
=== | ===Anger=== | ||
By now, you will have guessed that the irrational thinking anger triggers can be the most important roadblock to resolving family law issues in a cooperative manner. Anger is an incredibly powerful emotion characterized by Dr. Emery as "the toxic residue of unresolved grief." | By now, you will have guessed that the irrational thinking anger triggers can be the most important roadblock to resolving family law issues in a cooperative manner. Anger is an incredibly powerful emotion characterized by Dr. Emery as "the toxic residue of unresolved grief." | ||
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While some people, particularly those in angry separations, feel an almost irresistible urge to go out and hire the toughest bulldog around to exact revenge against their former partner, bulldogs rarely see any resolutions other than: a settlement on exactly the extortionate terms their clients want; or, a knock-down drag-'em-out trial. These lawyers cost the most, and you can expect the litigation process to drag out for an ungodly amount of time. Even if you are in an angry separation, step back and take a breath. Remember that even though you may hate your former partner at present, you will have to live with the consequences of hasty litigation and your unreasonable positions well into the future. You might also lose your house to pay your lawyer's fees. | While some people, particularly those in angry separations, feel an almost irresistible urge to go out and hire the toughest bulldog around to exact revenge against their former partner, bulldogs rarely see any resolutions other than: a settlement on exactly the extortionate terms their clients want; or, a knock-down drag-'em-out trial. These lawyers cost the most, and you can expect the litigation process to drag out for an ungodly amount of time. Even if you are in an angry separation, step back and take a breath. Remember that even though you may hate your former partner at present, you will have to live with the consequences of hasty litigation and your unreasonable positions well into the future. You might also lose your house to pay your lawyer's fees. | ||
How do you find a lawyer? By reputation. Ask around; talk to friends who have had to deal with family lawyers before; ask for referrals from the other professionals in your life. You can also window shop. You do not have to hire the first lawyer you have a consultation with; go ahead and set up meetings with a bunch of different lawyers. Additional information about hiring a lawyer can be found in the [[Lawyers & The Law Society]]page. | How do you find a lawyer? By reputation. Ask around; talk to friends who have had to deal with family lawyers before; ask for referrals from the other professionals in your life. You can also window shop. You do not have to hire the first lawyer you have a consultation with; go ahead and set up meetings with a bunch of different lawyers. Additional information about hiring a lawyer can be found in the [[Lawyers & The Law Society]] page. | ||
You should also know that many lawyers who litigate are also accredited family law mediators. If the lawyer you're speaking to is also a family law mediator, you may want to enquire about the possibility of using his or her services to mediate your dispute before you say much more about your case. If you give the lawyer too much information about your situation, he or she may not be able to assume the impartial role demanded of a mediator. | You should also know that many lawyers who litigate are also accredited family law mediators. If the lawyer you're speaking to is also a family law mediator, you may want to enquire about the possibility of using his or her services to mediate your dispute before you say much more about your case. If you give the lawyer too much information about your situation, he or she may not be able to assume the impartial role demanded of a mediator. | ||