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Difference between revisions of "Family Law Mediation"
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→Tips for successful mediation
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Remember that the more you argue about a particular position of yours, the more you wind up being stuck with that position. Many people find that after they've argued a particular point to death, they're stuck with it because they can't back down without losing face. Try to focus on interests (your underlying needs) rather than on positions (specific outcomes), and to always ask yourself "Why not?" when you hear what the other side has to say. | Remember that the more you argue about a particular position of yours, the more you wind up being stuck with that position. Many people find that after they've argued a particular point to death, they're stuck with it because they can't back down without losing face. Try to focus on interests (your underlying needs) rather than on positions (specific outcomes), and to always ask yourself "Why not?" when you hear what the other side has to say. | ||
One of the most important skills you can bring to your mediation session is the ability to actively listen to what the other side is saying. Active listening involves paying close attention to what the other side is saying, and restating their position to ensure that you know what the other side means and to ensure that the other side recognizes that you're <span class="noglossary">hearing</span> what they | One of the most important skills you can bring to your mediation session is the ability to actively listen to what the other side is saying. Active listening involves paying close attention to what the other side is saying, and restating their position to ensure that you know what the other side means and to ensure that the other side recognizes that you're <span class="noglossary">hearing</span> what they are saying. Phrases like "What I hear you saying is..." and "If I understand you correctly, what you're saying is..." can be extremely helpful. At the same time, you must also take some care in how you choose to express yourself. Instead of saying "You did..." or "You're a...," try something like "When you did that I felt..." or "I feel that..." This may all seem a bit flaky, but believe it or not it works. | ||
You must be able to talk directly about a problem in an assertive, direct manner. Talk about the issues; don't skirt around them, no matter how uncomfortable or awkward you might feel. Take care in how you express yourself, but when you're in a private session with the mediator, don't mince words. | You must be able to talk directly about a problem in an assertive, direct manner. Talk about the issues; don't skirt around them, no matter how uncomfortable or awkward you might feel. Take care in how you express yourself, but when you're in a private session with the mediator, don't mince words. | ||
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* Ask for a break when you're feeling too wound up or upset to continue, rather than abandoning the session. | * Ask for a break when you're feeling too wound up or upset to continue, rather than abandoning the session. | ||
* Dress comfortably and be prompt. | * Dress comfortably and be prompt. | ||
* If you disagree with something, say so. You must respect, and express, your own thoughts, opinions and feelings. Agreeing simply to keep the peace on matters that are important to you can sometimes result in either hitting a wall later on in the mediation or ending up with a settlement you later regret. | * If you disagree with something, say so. You must respect, and express, your own thoughts, opinions, and feelings. Agreeing simply to keep the peace on matters that are important to you can sometimes result in either hitting a wall later on in the mediation or ending up with a settlement you later regret. | ||
* Bring the documents you were asked to bring. If you don't, matters will only be delayed and the other side may be irritated by the inconvenience. | * Bring the documents you were asked to bring. If you don't, matters will only be delayed and the other side may be irritated by the inconvenience. | ||
* Watch your body language! Making disgusted grunts, rolling your eyes, or slamming your fist on the table won't help anything. | * Watch your body language! Making disgusted grunts, rolling your eyes, or slamming your fist on the table won't help anything. | ||