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Difference between revisions of "How Do I Start Negotiations with My Spouse?"
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How Do I Start Negotiations with My Spouse? (view source)
Revision as of 21:38, 25 August 2017
, 21:38, 25 August 2017no edit summary
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*people who are too stressed out are likely to accept a bad deal just to get everything over with. | *people who are too stressed out are likely to accept a bad deal just to get everything over with. | ||
When you've got the right moment, starting the process of negotiation can be as simple as calling your ex up and inviting | When you've got the right moment, starting the process of negotiation can be as simple as calling your ex up and inviting them out for a cup of coffee at the local Tim Hortons: | ||
<blockquote>"Hey look, I think it's time that we sat down and started to talk about things. I know you're still a bit upset about everything, but we really need to make a few decisions."</blockquote> | <blockquote>"Hey look, I think it's time that we sat down and started to talk about things. I know you're still a bit upset about everything, but we really need to make a few decisions."</blockquote> | ||
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==Starting the dialogue== | ==Starting the dialogue== | ||
When you and your ex are ready to start talking, start talking! Try to make the process as cooperative as possible, which usually means not preparing a stack of calculations to hand to your ex the moment | When you and your ex are ready to start talking, start talking! Try to make the process as cooperative as possible, which usually means not preparing a stack of calculations to hand to your ex the moment they sit down. No one likes to be bombarded by a bunch of documents as if there was a done deal. Make a list of the things you need to talk about together. Usually this includes: | ||
#where the children <span class="noglossary">will</span> live for most of the time, | #where the children <span class="noglossary">will</span> live for most of the time, | ||
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Most importantly, keep a separate piece of paper to write down the things that you agree on as you agree on them. This <span class="noglossary">will</span> help to keep a record of the issues that have been decided, and give each of you a sense of commitment to those decisions. | Most importantly, keep a separate piece of paper to write down the things that you agree on as you agree on them. This <span class="noglossary">will</span> help to keep a record of the issues that have been decided, and give each of you a sense of commitment to those decisions. | ||
As discussions go on, you might realize that you and your ex have different ideas about what the law says about an issue. This is the perfect time to take a break and arrange to meet a week later. You can tell your ex about this website and encourage | As discussions go on, you might realize that you and your ex have different ideas about what the law says about an issue. This is the perfect time to take a break and arrange to meet a week later. You can tell your ex about this website and encourage them to read it to get the basic background information. | ||
If you need more help, each of you could also meet with a lawyer to talk about things. If you decide to do this, it is important that the lawyers understand that you and your ex are negotiating these issues, not fighting about them. | If you need more help, each of you could also meet with a lawyer to talk about things. If you decide to do this, it is important that the lawyers understand that you and your ex are negotiating these issues, not fighting about them. | ||
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Mediation can be very effective, and can often bring people to a settlement, even where their positions seem to be very far apart. | Mediation can be very effective, and can often bring people to a settlement, even where their positions seem to be very far apart. | ||
Before hiring a mediator, make sure you've looked into | Before hiring a mediator, make sure you've looked into their background to make sure that the mediator has had special training as a mediator. Lawyers who have training and are accredited to mediate by the Law Society are called family law mediators, and <span class="noglossary">will</span> usually advertise themselves as such. | ||
==For more information== | ==For more information== | ||