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Difference between revisions of "Separating Emotionally"
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==Resolving the issues== | ==Resolving the issues== | ||
There | There are a variety of ways to resolve the issues that arise when a relationship ends, the most common of which are negotiation, mediation, and litigation. Collaborative law is sort of a cross between negotiation and mediation. | ||
Litigation is a contest between two parties, at the end of which, following trial, there is a winner and a loser. That's a bit of of a gloss on things, but litigation really is adversarial in nature, and if the parties can't come to an agreement between themselves, a trial will be held and a judge will impose a resolution on the parties. | Litigation is a contest between two parties, at the end of which, following trial, there is a winner and a loser. That's a bit of of a gloss on things, but litigation really is adversarial in nature, and if the parties can't come to an agreement between themselves, a trial will be held and a judge will impose a resolution on the parties. | ||
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Unless there is a pressing and manifest urgency, in my view negotiation and mediation are to be preferred over litigation. While it is absolutely true that in some situations court is the only way out, most people can find compromise no matter how wound up their emotional states happen to be. | Unless there is a pressing and manifest urgency, in my view negotiation and mediation are to be preferred over litigation. While it is absolutely true that in some situations court is the only way out, most people can find compromise no matter how wound up their emotional states happen to be. | ||
In ''The Truth about Children and Divorce'', Dr. Emery describes three general categories of divorcing couples: the angry divorce, the distant divorce and the cooperative divorce. While these categories are not exactly exhaustive and are drawn from an American legal construct, they are useful in discussing the impact of emotional separation on negotiation, mediation and litigation. | In ''The Truth about Children and Divorce'', Dr. Emery describes three general categories of divorcing couples: the angry divorce, the distant divorce, and the cooperative divorce. While these categories are not exactly exhaustive and are drawn from an American legal construct, they are useful in discussing the impact of emotional separation on negotiation, mediation, and litigation. | ||
===The cooperative separation=== | ===The cooperative separation=== | ||
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Couples engaged in a cooperative separation have usually worked out a lot of their emotions and resolved much of their grief. They recognize their emotions for what they are, and avoid acting out of spite or tearfully reminiscing about the lost relationship. These couples attempt to work things out between themselves, with and without help from lawyers and mediators. | Couples engaged in a cooperative separation have usually worked out a lot of their emotions and resolved much of their grief. They recognize their emotions for what they are, and avoid acting out of spite or tearfully reminiscing about the lost relationship. These couples attempt to work things out between themselves, with and without help from lawyers and mediators. | ||
Cooperative separations usually result in a separation agreement or an order that they agree the court should make. Often, what little litigation | Cooperative separations usually result in a separation agreement or an order that they agree the court should make. Often, what little litigation may occur is limited to simply getting the divorce order. | ||
===The distant separation=== | ===The distant separation=== | ||
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Anger can stop you from recognizing positive steps your former partner is taking to resolve issues, and lead you to assume that your partner is acting on false pretenses or on a hidden agenda. This kind of anger breeds suspicion that is often unwarranted. | Anger can stop you from recognizing positive steps your former partner is taking to resolve issues, and lead you to assume that your partner is acting on false pretenses or on a hidden agenda. This kind of anger breeds suspicion that is often unwarranted. | ||
Anger can also stop you from acknowledging your former partner's good qualities, especially | Anger can also stop you from acknowledging your former partner's good qualities, especially around parenting issues. Avoiding admitting these qualities makes it easier to hold onto an objectively unreasonable position. | ||
====Anger is easy==== | ====Anger is easy==== | ||
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* <span style="color: red;">bulleted list of other pages in this chapter, linked</span> | * <span style="color: red;">bulleted list of other pages in this chapter, linked</span> | ||
END HIDDEN---> | END HIDDEN---> | ||
==Page resources and links== | ==Page resources and links== | ||