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Difference between revisions of "Separating Emotionally"
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*Someone who takes an unreasonable position out of anger will lose, but in carrying out their crusade they risk draining all of the family's assets to fund the litigation. | *Someone who takes an unreasonable position out of anger will lose, but in carrying out their crusade they risk draining all of the family's assets to fund the litigation. | ||
*Rage can permanently impair a couple's relationship with one another. Where there are no children, this may not be a problem, but where there are children this can be disastrous. You may not give a fig about your former partner, but what memories will your children have of the next five years of their lives? | *Rage can permanently impair a couple's relationship with one another. Where there are no children, this may not be a problem, but where there are children this can be disastrous. You may not give a fig about your former partner, but what memories will your children have of the next five years of their lives? | ||
*People can jump to ridiculous conclusions by expecting the worst from their former partner, leading to conflict after conflict | *People can jump to ridiculous conclusions by expecting the worst from their former partner, leading to conflict after conflict ― and court application after court application. Redness on the buttocks of a toddler becomes evidence of molestation, rather than simple diaper rash. | ||
*Rage can trigger "affidavit wars," in which each person makes inflated claims about the purported evils of the other. Minor events are exaggerated beyond all proportion. The costly "war" is triggered because the other party is put to the burden of addressing each inflated claim. Very rarely is a party able to refrain from making reciprocal claims about the misconduct of the other: "I drink all the time? Actually, I only drink socially but you smoked pot when you were pregnant." What is a judge to make of claims like these? | *Rage can trigger "affidavit wars," in which each person makes inflated claims about the purported evils of the other. Minor events are exaggerated beyond all proportion. The costly "war" is triggered because the other party is put to the burden of addressing each inflated claim. Very rarely is a party able to refrain from making reciprocal claims about the misconduct of the other: "I drink all the time? Actually, I only drink socially but you smoked pot when you were pregnant." What is a judge to make of claims like these? | ||
*Anger can strip you of your ability to see common sense and lead you to adopt positions that are objectively unreasonable and doomed to fail. In the process of failing, however, you can expect to spend a lot of money and further damage the tensions in your relationship with your former partner. | *Anger can strip you of your ability to see common sense and lead you to adopt positions that are objectively unreasonable and doomed to fail. In the process of failing, however, you can expect to spend a lot of money and further damage the tensions in your relationship with your former partner. | ||
Rage, as Dr. Emery observes, is a symptom of unresolved grief. Whatever the cause, failing to move beyond anger can be poisonous to you, to your former partner, to your children and to your relationship with your children. Some counselling, whether by yourself or with your former partner, can be critical in moving forward and out of anger. | Rage, as Dr. Emery observes, is a symptom of unresolved grief. Whatever the cause, failing to move beyond anger can be poisonous to you, to your former partner, to your children, and to your relationship with your children. Some counselling, whether by yourself or with your former partner, can be critical in moving forward and out of anger. | ||
===Choosing your lawyer=== | ===Choosing your lawyer=== | ||