My Partner Is Abusing Me and My Kids

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Both the criminal law process and family law process can be used to deal with relationship violence and abuse. There are also a number of services in most BC communities, such as transition houses, victim assistance programs and counselling services, to help victims of violence.

First steps[edit]

  1. Ensure that you and your children are safe. This may mean leaving the family home for awhile and staying with friends or staying in a transition house. To find a local transition house, try a Google search for "transition house" plus your community — e.g., "transition house victoria bc." Alternatively, look in the Yellow Pages under "Crisis Centres," or contact VictimLINK. The local police station can also give you information about transition houses and other victim services.
  2. Consider whether you need a safety plan. A safety plan outlines steps you can take to protect yourself and your children. Having a safety plan means you know how to get help if your partner is abusing you. It is a good idea to ask a friend, advocate, or victim service worker to help you make a safety plan. For information on making a safety plan, see "Live Safe — End Abuse: Safety Planning."
  3. If the abuse involves physical or sexual violence, consider reporting it to the police. Staff at local transition houses and victim services groups can support you in doing this. If you want the abuser to stay away from you, you can ask the police to ask a judge for a no contact order to prevent or limit the abuser from having contact with you or your children. Ask the police to give you contact information for a victim services worker.
  4. If you need a lawyer but cannot afford one on your own, see if you qualify for legal aid representation. If you qualify, the Legal Services Society will appoint a lawyer to advise you and represent you in Family Court. Victims are not usually entitled to representation by lawyers in criminal court.
  5. You or your lawyer can make an application to the Family Court or BC Supreme Court for an order preventing or limiting the abuser from having contact with you and/or your children. You can take this step instead of or in addition to reporting the abuse to the police. Follow the process described under "I just separated from the other parent of my children" in this Guide.

What happens next[edit]

Criminal Court[edit]

If a criminal charge has been laid, the abuser will be given a date to appear in Provincial Criminal Court. At this first appearance, the abuser (called "the accused" in court) can ask for a copy of both the charge and the report from the police to the Crown Counsel. (The Crown Counsel is the lawyer who prosecutes the case against the abuser on behalf of the government.) You do not need to have your own lawyer in Criminal Court. You are considered a witness and you should speak with the Crown Counsel before court so they know whether or not you want the judge to order that the accused can have contact with you or your children until the case is completed. For more information on what happens after criminal charges have been laid, see "I've been charged with a criminal offence and have to go to court" in this Guide.

Family Court[edit]

If you have completed an Application to Obtain an Order and a Notice of Motion in Provincial Court, and asked the judge for a "without notice" order (a court appearance without the abuser being there), you will be given a time and date to be in court. At court, the judge will ask you why you want no contact from the abuser. If the judge agrees with you, he or she will make a (called a Protection Order) valid for up to a year (but not longer). After the without notice Protection Order is made, the Family Court will send a copy to the abuser. Service of the judge's Protection Order will be handled for you, without cost to you.

Where to get help[edit]

See the Resource List in this Guide for a list of helpful resources. Your best bets are:

Before meeting with a lawyer or advocate, complete the form Preparing for Your Interview included in this Guide. Make sure you bring copies of all documents relating to your case.

This information applies to British Columbia, Canada. Last reviewed for legal accuracy by Stephen Wright, March 2017.

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