Parenting Apart

This section is all about putting your children first. It provides a brief introduction to parenting after separation and looks at different types of parenting issues, including parenting schedules and parenting plans. It also provides a selection of related parenting resources and reading materials.

While the other sections in this chapter discuss the legal issues involved in determining how children will be cared for after a couple separate, they do not talk about the non-legal issues: what it means to parent after separation, how separation affects children, and how parents talk to their children about their separation.

Introduction

If you've got children and you've separated from your partner, you'll find you've got three enormous problems to deal with. First, you've got to get a grip on all the emotional baggage that comes along with the end of a relationship. Second, you've got a pile of legal issues you have to sort through. Finally, but most importantly, you have to develop a strategy for parenting your children after the relationship ends.

No matter how pressing the first two issues are, you must remember that the post-separation parenting of your children must take priority over everything else. If you think the end of your relationship is difficult for you, imagine how confusing and unsettling it must be for your children. Their needs and best interests must come ahead of your own, and those of your partner. This is certainly the view that the court will take.

You will have found that during your relationship, issues involving the care of your children just sort of worked themselves out, perhaps smoothly, perhaps not. In general, you will have developed a routine, a routine that you and your partner were comfy with and one that your children had become accustomed to.

After separation, that routine isn't possible anymore, especially if you and your partner are living in separate homes. Suddenly, the children can no longer rely on both parents being around the house, on the schedules each parent used to keep, or on all the little things like the bedtime story from a particular parent, the special breakfast, playing catch after school with the other parent, and so forth. On top of all that change and uncertainty, the children will be fully aware that something isn't right between their parents, even if they don't quite grasp exactly what's going on.

This is all a little preachy, but the fact is that no matter how adults are able to intellectually rationalize the consequences of the end of their relationship, children can't. The job of the parents, regardless of their own emotional and legal entanglements, is to protect their children from their dispute as much as possible, and to develop a parenting regime that will maximize their respective involvement in the children's lives.

Language

The words we use often shape how we see the world around us. There's a big difference, for example, between saying "Pat lied to me about ..." and "Pat was mistaken when he told me that ..." In the same way, there's a difference between saying "Tuesday is my access day" and "Tuesday is when I visit with Moesha."

Over the past ten years or so, the courts and policy makers have become increasingly sensitive to how the words used to describe a parent's involvement with his or her child can impact on both the child's and the parent's perception of that relationship. As a result, joint custody is becoming increasingly the standard, even in situations where, twenty years ago, Parent A would be described as the "access parent" and Parent B would be described as the "custodial parent." The phrase "access parent" can often lead to a sense, shared by everyone, including the children, that this parent is somehow a lesser parent, has less of a role to play, or is less important to his or her child's life. It also encourages the idea that there are "winning parents" and "losing parents" in custody disputes, when really the main winner or loser is the child.

Words like "custody" and "access," used in the federal Divorce Act, are loaded terms with a lot of extra meanings that aren't particularly helpful to the children, or to each parent's view of his or her role with the children. However, the new provincial Family Law Act talks about the care of children in terms of guardians who exercise parental responsibilities and have parenting time with their children, and people who are not guardians who have contact with a child. This is a huge improvement, and the language of the Family Law Act should be used whenever possible.

A few notes from JP Boyd

I am not a psychologist, a psychiatrist or a counsellor. As a result this section should be read with a grain of salt, as it is based on my observations of my clients' experiences and a healthy dose of common sense. For the same reason you are cautioned that this section should not be used as an authority for the propositions it sets out.

Secondly, there are a ton of Parenting After Separation programs conducted by trained psychologists and counsellors available throughout British Columbia. If you are separating or have separated, I highly recommend that you attend one of these programs, no matter how good (or bad!) you think your relationship is with your ex-partner.

Parenting after separation

The general consensus among psychologists specializing in childhood development is that the best post-separation parenting arrangement is one in which both parents contribute equally, or near-equally, to the raising of their children and have an equal, or near-equal, amount of time with them.

That being said, not all parents can separate in a civil manner, and not all parents share an equal interest in participating in the lives and parenting of their children. Some people are quite content to walk away and start a new life; others are painfully torn by the conflict between their former partner and their role as a parent. However, in the absence of some serious problem (such as abusiveness, alcoholism, or pedophilia) that renders a parent unfit to play a meaningful role in his or her child's life, the practical reality of parenting after separation is this: it is almost always in a child's best interests to grow up with two parents, with as strong a bond with both parents as possible, and to spend as much time with both parents as possible.

Parenting tips

The Ottawa Centre for Mediation, formerly the Ottawa Centre for Family and Community Mediation, offers the following parenting dos and don'ts.

Things to think about:

• Children can best deal with their feelings surrounding the separation experience in a climate of cooperation.
• Working together as parents means cooperating with the other parent about raising the children. If you can't do this in person, try communicating by phone or by using notes that are exchanged with the child.
• It is a myth that parents who did not get along as a couple cannot work together as parents. They can. It takes time and effort but parents can redefine the relationship from being a couple, to a more business-like relationship of being partners in the parenting of their children.
• Go directly to the other parent for information, an answer, or a solution to a problem. Don’t allow the child to be in the middle, to act as a messenger, or act as a spy. If you cannot deal directly with the other parent, use another adult.
• Give the benefit of the doubt to the other parent’s motives.
• Don’t let yourself get caught in any angry feelings the child may have towards the other parent. Encourage the children to speak about their difficulties with the other parent to the other parent; don't get caught in the middle.

Children may be harmed if they:

• are restricted or prevented from spending sufficient time with both parents,
• are told that one parent is good and the other is bad,
• are encouraged to take sides, or
• don't feel free to love both parents and also stepparents.

Parents may harm their children if they:

• don’t prepare children for changes that will occur,
• burden children with adult problems, such as their legal issues or financial woes,
• compete with or criticize the other parent in front of the children,
• badmouth or blame the other parent in the children’s presence or earshot, or
• expect children to comfort them.

Parenting schedules

While, as a basic rule of thumb, equal or near-equal shared time is generally considered the best parenting arrangement possible, it isn't appropriate for all children or for all parents. Two things must be considered when you are developing a parenting schedule: the child's age, and each parent's parenting skills. First, very young children, especially breastfeeding children, require more constant attention and are not able to be away from one parent for long periods of time. This will change, of course, as they grow older. Second, not all parents have the time to devote to an equal parenting arrangement, and not all parents have the skills and resources to offer the children.

Unequal time

The Langley Family Justice Center published an excellent pamphlet called "Suggested Visitation/Time-Sharing Skills" which they gave to their clients, drawn from Gary Neuman's book, Helping your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way. The following is adapted from this pamphlet, and is intended for parents who do not intend to establish an equal time-sharing arrangement.

Age	Basic Recommended Time	Limited Parenting Skills	Good Parenting Skills
Birth to 8 months	2 or 3 weekly visits for 2 to 3 hours each	supervised visits in the primary parent's home	2 weekly visits for 6 to 8 hours each, plus one shorter visit
9 to 12 months	2 or 3 weekly visits for 4 to 8 hours each, plus one longer weekend visit	2 to 4 weekly visits for 3 hours each	2 or 3 weekly visits for 6 to 8 hours each, plus one weekly 24-hour overnight visit
13 months to 3 years	1 or 2 weekly visits for 6 to 8 hours each, plus one weekly 24-hour overnight visit	1 or 2 weekly visits for 4 to 6 hours each, and possibly one weekly short overnight visit	2 weekly 24-hour overnight visits that are not consecutive, plus one weekly visit for 6 to 8 hours, and a less than equal sharing of holidays
4 to 5 years	1 or 2 weekly visits for 6 to 8 hours each, plus one weekly 24-hour overnight visit	1 or 2 weekly visits for 4 to 6 hours each, and possibly one weekly short overnight visit	2 weekly 24-hour overnight visits that are not consecutive, plus one weekly visit for 6 to 8 hours, and a greater sharing of holidays
6 to 8 years	every other weekend, from Friday after school until Sunday evening, plus one weeknight after school until one hour before bedtime, plus 3 consecutive weeks during the summer holiday, and half of all other holidays	one weekly 24-hour overnight visit, plus one weeknight after school until one hour before bedtime, plus 3 two-day visits during the summer	every other weekend, from Friday after school until Sunday evening, plus one weeknight after school until one hour before bedtime, plus 3 consecutive weeks during the summer holiday, and half of all other holidays
9 to 12 years	every other weekend, from Friday after school until Sunday evening, plus one weeknight after school until one hour before bedtime, plus 3 consecutive weeks during the summer holiday, and half of all other holidays	every other weekend, Saturday morning until Sunday evening, plus one weeknight after school until one hour before bedtime, plus 3 three-day visits during the summer	every other weekend, from Thursday after school until Monday morning before school, plus one weeknight after school until one hour before bedtime, plus half of all holidays
13 to 18 years	every other weekend, from Friday after school until Sunday evening, plus one weeknight after school until one hour before bedtime, plus 3 consecutive weeks during the summer holiday, and half of all other holidays	every other weekend, Saturday morning until Sunday evening, plus one weeknight after school until one hour before bedtime, plus summer visits set in consultation with the child	every other weekend, from Thursday after school until Monday morning before school, plus half of all holidays

Equal time

In an equal parenting schedule, the time that a very, very young child, less than 18 months of age, requires to integrate fully with the other parent can be compressed.

Most children are able to start spending an equal amount of time with each parent by the time they enter kindergarten, although the weeks should be divided so that the change in home is more frequent.

By grade two, many children are able to do a whole week with one parent, followed by a whole week with the other parent. Most parents exchange the child on Fridays after school to minimize disruption to the child's schoolwork.

By the time the child is in his or her early teens, the week-on/week-off arrangement can be extended to two weeks with each parent. This will change as the teenager gets older, and his or her preferences should be taken into account around age 14. Some parents even wind up working on a month-on/month-off arrangement with older teens; again, though, this will depend on the parents and the child.

Parenting plans

A parenting plan is a written agreement that describes how issues involving the care of children will be handled, typically with a long-term view that addresses how visitation and other arrangements should evolve as the children grow up and mature. Parenting plans are most common when the children are very young when their parents separate, say age five or less.

The main reasons why parents might want to make a parenting plan are to address future issues ahead of time and to minimize the likelihood of future conflict. A parenting plan takes the basic developmental points in the children's life into consideration:

• The parenting schedule appropriate for a breastfeeding one-year-old won't be appropriate when the child is weaned.
• The parenting schedule that works for a three-year-old won't work when the child turns five, enters the school system, and is suddenly tied to a schedule neither parent controls.
• The schedule of a seven-year-old must accommodate sports and other extracurricular activities as well as homework and other take-home assignments.
• Nine-year-olds will be starting to go to day camps or overnight camps during the summer.
• The schedule of a twelve-year-old must take into account his or her social schedule and activities with friends.

In other words, a parenting schedule can't be static; it has to be able to evolve with time. This is precisely what a parenting plan is intended to address.

Parenting plans also typically address guardianship issues and cover how the parents will make decisions about the children's care, medical needs, and schooling. Since parenting plans aren't mentioned in the Divorce Act or the Family Law Act, there are no rules about what should and shouldn't be in a parenting plan. It's up to the parents to be as inclusive and creative as they want.

Parenting plans can be included in separation agreements or, but not usually, in court orders. (The best you're likely to get in a court order is a statement about guardianship rights and parenting time for the present, with a provision requiring a review of those arrangements in a fixed amount of time.)

Parenting plans can also stand on their own as a separate document.

Sample parenting plans

A lot of users of this resource have asked about sample parenting plans. I can't post an example of a parenting plan or separation agreement of my own, as I always draft those from scratch to reflect the unique needs and circumstances of each client. I can, however, post the link to the federal Department of Justice's Parenting Plan Tool, and the following parenting plans that are drawn from the Idaho Benchbook, a creation of family law lawyers from the Idaho state bar and judiciary. Other parenting plans and parenting agreements can doubtless be found online.

• Sample #1: developed for a young child with a primary parent, frequent contact with the other parent but no overnight visitation and addresses safety and transportation issues
• Sample #2: developed with a primary parent, every other weekend visitation and addresses substance abuse issues
• Sample #3: developed as a 50/50 shared parenting plan and addresses extra-circular activities and summer vacations

Note three things about the Idaho plans:

1. Much of the legal language in the Benchbook plan is suited to American law and won't be suitable for British Columbia parenting plans; you'll have to adapt the terminology accordingly.
2. The plans refer to American subjects (like holidays and social security numbers) that you'll have to change or delete.
3. The plans can adapted to include visitation schedules that will evolve as the children grow up.

You might also want to have a look at the Parenting Time Guidelines found in the Indiana Rules of Court, which are extremely detailed and very child-focused.

Common visitation issues

There are lots of stumbling blocks that can crop up in preparing a parenting schedule, and it can be very difficult to anticipate all the "special days" that you might want to address in addition to the week-to-week schedule. Most often, these special days are things like Mothers' Day or Fathers' Day, the children's birthdays and religious holidays.

Other problems can come up when the parenting schedule is ignored by a parent or refused by a child. Some solutions to issues like this are discussed below. More information can be found in other sections in this chapter, including the Estranged & Alienated Children section.

Weekends

Weekends can be especially important to schedule carefully, and it is important that they be shared between parents, particularly if the children are going to school. Often the parent who has the children during the workweek becomes the disciplinarian, since that parent has the burden of telling the kids to go to sleep on time, do their homework, and so forth. The other parent, on the other hand, becomes the "fun" parent, taking the kids to the park, to the movies, and buying them treats on the weekend.

It is important that weekends be shared to avoid the children developing a bad parent/fun parent view. It is rarely a good idea to come up with a schedule that gives one parent all of the children's weekends.

Statutory holidays

Make sure that statutory holidays and school professional development days are taken into account when you work out a parenting schedule. Many schedules that require a parent to return the child on Sunday evening, for example, allow that the child be returned on Monday evening if the Monday is a statutory holiday.

Special days

When you're working out your parenting schedule, don't forget about special days like birthdays, Fathers' Day, Mothers' Day, religious holidays and so forth. Some (but not all) parents do things like alternating the children's birthdays, or making special arrangements for extra time on Fathers' Day and Mothers' Day.

For religious holidays, like Christmas, many parents work out a plan so that in even-numbered years, one parent will have the children from Christmas Eve to the afternoon of Christmas Day, and the other parent will have them from the afternoon on Christmas to the evening of Boxing Day, a schedule that reverses on odd-numbered years. Be creative about scheduling these sorts of special days. In the case of Passover, for example, some parents alternate the first and second nights each year.

School holidays

The main school holidays are the winter break (usually about two to two-and-a-half weeks), the spring break (a week or two weeks) and the summer holiday (slightly more than two months). These holidays can be split up, shared between parents every other year, or treated as if the child was in school.

Particularly during the summer, both of the parents should have a fair chunk of time with the children during school holidays. Summers don't have to be split equally — some people's work schedules just won't give them that much time off — but each parent should at least have a solid week with the children. During times like this, the usual parenting schedule is suspended so that each parent's holiday visits are uninterrupted.

Children's refusal to visit

No child, particularly children under the age of 12, should be able to dictate the time they spend with the other parent. Sometimes children will not want to leave a parent because of a sort of separation anxiety, at other times reluctance is meant to show loyalty to the parent the child is leaving.

It is important to continue to ensure the child sees the other parent, and to encourage the child to look forward to the visit. Even when the child seems adamant about not going, you must compel the child to go. Where a parenting schedule takes the form of a court order, the court will place the blame for a missed visit on you, not the child.

From the point of view of the parent expecting the visit, do not take the child's reactions personally, and avoid blaming the other parent. Most often the refusal or reluctance has more to do with the change in residence or a temper tantrum, rather than with a genuine reluctance to see the parent.

If the child's refusal is sudden and the child is highly resistant to the visit, you may want to take the child to a counsellor to confirm that the reasons for the child's refusal are not serious.

Parents' refusal to visit

Children need stability and constancy in their lives. It is disruptive to both them and the other parent when a parent misses a scheduled visit, cancels at the last minute, or just fails to show up at all. This is an absolute no-no. Both parents need to be able to rely on a fixed parenting schedule; this benefits the child by giving them a reliable routine, and it benefits both parents by allowing them to plan their life apart from the child. Some flexibility from both parents is a wonderful thing, but a situation where one parent is constantly backing out, cancelling, or changing dates is not good for anyone.

From the point of view of the parent expecting the children to be picked up, there is precious little that can be done to force a disinterested parent to visit with the children. The court cannot compel someone to see their children when they don't want to. What you must consider is whether the disruption and disappointment the children experience warrants stopping the other parent's scheduled visits with the children altogether.

Parenting resources

There are quite a lot of public and community resources available to help parents deal with parenting issues, including issues arising while the parents are together. No matter what your circumstances are, if you are having problems, get help. Whether that help involves reading a book or a pamphlet, or going to a seminar, or meeting with a support group, your children are worth it.

Programs and agencies

The Parenting After Separation program is run by the provincial Ministry of Justice. It is the mandatory program required of parents by certain Provincial (Family) Courts, but is open to everyone. A list of the agencies that provide this service is available from the Family Justice division through Clicklaw. You can download the Parenting After Separation program's handbook online, in English, Chinese, Punjabi and French.

The Parenting After Separation program is offered in Cantonese and Mandarin in Surrey, Richmond and Vancouver, call 604-684-1628. The program is also offered in Punjabi and Hindi in those areas, call 604-597-0205.

Simon Fraser University offers Information Children, a fairly broad and extremely useful non-profit program that deals with parenting issues and includes mediation services. This program offers parenting workshops in New Westminster and Burnaby, and has a handy parenting helpline. Contact Information Children through their website or at:

604-291-3548 phone
604-291-5846 fax

The provincial Family Justice Centres may be able to direct you to other helpful parenting resources, and are located across the province. Contact them through Clicklaw's HelpMap or at:

Vancouver: 604-660-6828
Victoria: 250-952-4111

Recommended reading for parents

The federal Department of Justice has a number of high-quality resources in the family law section of its website that you may find helpful. You'll find publications and research papers about parenting after separation and on other topics important to children's well-being after their parents separate. These papers are of a uniformly high quality and are well worth the read. This website has a section on creating parenting plans that links to three useful resources pages:

• Making Parenting Plans,
• Parenting Plan Checklist, and
• Parenting Plan Tool

The federal Department of Justice's website also has information on helping your kids cope.

There are lots of good books about parenting after separation available at your local bookstore, included the following (my favourites are in bold):

• The Good Divorce: Keeping your family together when your marriage comes apart, by D. Ahrons

• Helping your Child through your Divorce, by F. Bienenfeld

• The Truth about Children and Divorce, by R.E. Emery

• Healing Hearts: Helping Children and Adults Recover from Divorce, by E. Hickey and E. Dalton

• Helping your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way, by M.G. Neuman

• Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child, by I. Ricci

• Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising your Child with an Uncooperative Ex, by J.A. Ross

• Helping Children Cope with Divorce, by A. Teyber

The federal Department of Justice has a number of high-quality resources that may be helpful. The Supporting Families website has a lot of information about separation and divorce. Inside this site you'll find a library of department publications and a wide variety of research papers about parenting after separation, the costs of high-conflict separation, and other topics relating to a child's well-being and outcomes following separation. These papers are of a uniformly high quality and are well worth the read.

Recommended reading for children

The books that follow are drawn from the suggestions of the Vancouver law firm Henderson Heinrichs and are reproduced with permission.

• At Daddy’s on Saturdays, by L. Walvoord and J. Friedman; for ages 5+

• Dinosaurs Divorce: A Guide for Changing Families, by L. Krasny Brown and M. Brown; for ages 4+

• Divorce is a Grown Up Problem, by J. Sinberg; for ages 4+

• Let’s Talk About It: Divorce, by F. Rogers; for ages 5+

• On Divorce by S. Bennett Stein and E. Stone; for ages 3+

• What’s Going to Happen to Me?, by E. Leshan; for ages 9+

• Why Are We Getting a Divorce?, by P. Mayle and A. Robins; for ages 6+

The provincial Ministry of Justice has published two websites at www.familieschange.ca designed to help children understand and cope with the issues that arise when their parents separate or divorce. One is for children and the other is for teens; both are very well put together.

The federal Department of Justice has published a book for 9- to 12-year-olds called What Happens Next?, available online and in print. The print version is a lot friendlier and what I'd suggest giving to a child.

Resources and links

Legislation

• Family Law Act
• Divorce Act

Links

• Clicklaw Common Question: More information about the Parenting After Separation program
• Justice Education Society: Parenting After Separation handbook for parents
• Justice Education Society: Parenting After Separation brochure
• Justice Education Society: Aboriginal Parenting After Separation
• BC Ministry of Justice: Feedback from Parenting After Separation Program Participants
• Legal Services Society: Parenting After Separation courses
• BC Ministry of Justice and JES: A guide for grown-ups (Complement kids' guide to separation and divorce)
• Parenting After Separation program
• Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines
• Sample Parenting Plans Idaho
• Online Parenting After Separation Course
• Simon Fraser University's Information Children Website
• Department of Justice's Supporting Families Website
• Justice Education Society and BC Ministry of Justice's Families Change Website

This information applies to British Columbia, Canada. Last reviewed for legal accuracy by Mary Mouat, QC and Justin Werb June 25, 2013.

JP Boyd on Family Law © John-Paul Boyd and Courthouse Libraries BC is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.5 Canada Licence.

Normally referred to as the "Supreme Court of British Columbia," this court hears most of the trials in this province. The Supreme Court is a court of inherent jurisdiction and has no limits on the sorts of claims it can hear or on the sorts of orders it can make. Decisions of the Provincial Court are appealed to the Supreme Court; decisions of the Supreme Court are appealed to the Court of Appeal. See "Court of Appeal," "jurisdiction," "Provincial Court" and "Supreme Court of Canada."

A court established and staffed by the provincial government, which includes Small Claims Court, Youth Court, and Family Court. The Provincial Court is the lowest level of court in British Columbia and is restricted in the sorts of matters it can deal with. It is, however, the most accessible of the two trial courts and no fees are charged to begin or defend a family law proceeding. The Family Court of the Provincial Court cannot deal with the division of family property or any claims under the Divorce Act. See "Divorce Act," "judge" and "jurisdiction."

In family law, the decision of one or both parties to terminate a married or unmarried relationship; the act of one person leaving the family home to live somewhere else with the intention of terminating the relationship. There is no such thing as a "legal separation." In general, one separates by simply moving out, however, it is possible to be separated but still live under the same roof. See "divorce, grounds of."

In family law, the natural or adoptive father or mother of a child; may also include stepparents, depending on the circumstances and the applicable legislation; may include the donors of eggs or sperm and surrogate mothers, depending on the circumstances and the terms of any assisted reproduction agreement. See "adoptive parent," "assisted reproduction," "natural parent" and "stepparent."

Under the old Divorce Act, the schedule of a parent's time with their children under an order or agreement, replaced with "parenting time" and "contact" in the new Divorce Act. Access usually referred to the schedule of the parent with the least amount of time with the child. See "contact," "custody" and "parenting time."

A person who is younger than the legal age of majority, 19 in British Columbia. See "age of majority."

A term used by the old Divorce Act when both spouses have custody of a child, giving both the right to make parenting decisions concerning the child's health, welfare, and upbringing, but not necessarily requiring or implying that the spouses have equal or near-equal amounts of time with the child. See “access," "custody" and "decision-making responsibility."

In family law, an antiquated term used by the old Divorce Act to describe the right to possess a child and make parenting decisions concerning the child's health, welfare and upbringing. Replaced in the new Divorce Act with the term decision-making responsibility." See "access," "decision-making responsibility" and "parenting time."

A term under the Family Law Act which describes the various rights, duties, and responsibilities exercised by guardians in the care, upbringing, and management of the children in their care, including determining the child's education, diet, religious instruction or lack thereof, medical care, linguistic and cultural instruction, and so forth. See "decision-making responsibility" and "guardian."

Under the Family Law Act, a term which describes the time a guardian has with a child and during which is responsible for the day-to-day care of the child. Under the Divorce Act, a term which describes the time a spouse has with a child and during which is responsible for the day-to-day care of the child. See "guardian" and "spouse."

Under the Family Law Act, a term that describes the time a person who is not a guardian of a child, including a parent who is not a guardian, has with that child. Under the Divorce Act, a term that describes the time a person who is not a married spouse has with a child. See "guardian" and "parental responsibilities."

In contract law, the expression, either orally or in writing, of a willingness to be bound by a proposed agreement, contract, or settlement. See "offer to settle."

A mandatory direction of the court that is binding and enforceable upon the parties to a court proceeding. An "interim order" is a temporary order made following the hearing of an interim application. A "final order" is a permanent order, made following the trial of the court proceeding or the parties' settlement, following which the only recourse open to a dissatisfied party is to appeal. Failing to abide by the terms of an order may constitute contempt of court. See "appeal," "consent order," "contempt of court," "decision" and "declaration."

A contract intended to resolve all or some of the legal issues arising from the breakdown of a relationship and intended to guide the parties in their dealings with one another into the future. A typical separation agreement is signed following a settlement reached through negotiation and deals with issues including guardianship, parenting arrangements, contact, support, the division of property, and the division of debt. See "family law agreements."

(1) A preliminary version of a document, (2) an order prepared following judgment and submitted to the court for its approval, or (3) to prepare, or draw, a legal document.

In law, (1) the physical railing separating the public gallery in a courtroom from the area where the judge and lawyers sit, (2) lawyers as a group, or (3) the place where lawyers go after work.

(1) In law, a court proceeding; a lawsuit; an action; a cause of action; a claim. (2) A historic decision of the court; case law. See "action," "case law, " "court proceeding," and "precedent."

The geographic place where a person permanently lives. This is different from a person's "domicile" in that a person's residence is more fixed and less changeable in nature. A person's residence can also have an impact on a court's authority to hear and decide a legal action. See "domicile" and "jurisdiction."

In law, to formally deliver documents to a person in a manner that complies with the rules of court. Service may be ordinary (mailed or delivered to a litigant's address for service), personal (hand-delivered to a person), or substituted (performed in a way other than the rules normally require). See "address for delivery," "ordinary service," "personal service" and "substituted service."

A dispute resolution process in which a specially-trained neutral person facilitates discussions between the parties to a legal dispute and helps them reach a compromise settling the dispute. See "alternative dispute resolution" and "family law mediator."

A legal relationship between two persons, whether of the same or opposite genders, that is solemnized by a marriage commissioner or licenced religious official and gives rise to certain mutual rights, benefits, and obligations. See also "conjugal rights," "consortium," and "marriage, validity of."

The legal termination of a valid marriage by an order of a judge; the ending of a marital relationship and the conjugal obligations of each spouse to the other. See "conjugal rights," "marriage" and "marriage, validity of."