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Difference between revisions of "Polyamorous Relationships"
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→Family law agreements
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Firstly, the laws of the other provinces and territories are nowhere near as adaptable to polyamorous relationships as British Columbia's ''Family Law Act''. It may be that when push comes to shove, people simple don't pursue claims in court if they're not going to obviously qualify as ''spouses'', ''partners'', ''parents'' and so on under the local legislation. Challenging legislation under the equality provisions of the Canadian Constitution is expensive and time-consuming. | Firstly, the laws of the other provinces and territories are nowhere near as adaptable to polyamorous relationships as British Columbia's ''Family Law Act''. It may be that when push comes to shove, people simple don't pursue claims in court if they're not going to obviously qualify as ''spouses'', ''partners'', ''parents'' and so on under the local legislation. Challenging legislation under the equality provisions of the Canadian Constitution is expensive and time-consuming. | ||
Secondly, it's also possible — in fact, it's quite likely — that people in polyamorous relationships intentionally avoid going to court when their relationships come to an end and resolve their differences in other ways. Polyamorous relationships tend to be very complex in terms of the expectations of family members, their arrangements for covering household bills, assigning responsibility for repairs and maintenance, their living arrangements, and their arrangements for the ownership of property. Dragging these issues through court, even in a province with laws friendly to polyamorous relationships, would be an arduous, costly and protracted affair. Especially if how the law — on basic issues like child support, spousal support, and the division of property — applies to polyamorous families isn't resolved. It makes perfect sense that you'd choose to avoid court and head to mediation, collaborative negotiation and arbitration as infinitely preferable alternatives! | Secondly, it's also possible — in fact, it's quite likely — that people in polyamorous relationships intentionally avoid going to court when their relationships come to an end and resolve their differences in other ways. Polyamorous relationships tend to be very complex in terms of the expectations of family members, their arrangements for covering household bills, assigning responsibility for repairs and maintenance, their living arrangements, and their arrangements for the ownership of property. Dragging these issues through court, even in a province with laws friendly to polyamorous relationships, would be an arduous, costly and protracted affair. Especially if how the law — on basic issues like child support, spousal support, and the division of property — applies to polyamorous families isn't resolved. It makes perfect sense that you'd choose to avoid court and head to mediation, collaborative negotiation and arbitration as infinitely preferable alternatives! | ||
Mediation, collaborative negotiation and arbitration are all private processes. There's no laundry to air on the public record, and no obligation to find a resolution by applying the strict letter of the law. Whether you live in British Columbia or not, these are all better processes than litigation. If mediation or collaborative negotiation are successful, the result will be a ''separation agreement'' that everyone will sign; if arbitration is successful, the result will be an ''award'' prepared by the arbitrator. | |||
In my experience, polyamorous relationships rarely "just happen." They tend to be the product of a huge amount of discussion and negotiation — about easy financial and mathematical issues as well as super hard emotional and psychological issues — long before more than two people start seeing each other, never mind start living together. | Finally, it also seems likely that people entering polyamorous relationships, especially relationships that involve people living together, buying property together or having children together, would make plans for the management and termination of their relationship well ahead of time. A lot of the contact I've had with people in polyamorous relationships involves helping people plan and sign ''cohabitation agreements''. These agreements aren't particularly common, or particularly useful, for people in pair relationships, but they're indispensable for people in polyamorous relationships. | ||
In my experience, polyamorous relationships rarely "just happen." They tend to be the product of a huge amount of discussion and negotiation — about easy financial and mathematical issues as well as super hard emotional and psychological issues — long before more than two people start seeing each other, never mind start living together. Since people are already spending so much time planning what their relationship will look like, it's easy to turn some of that effort into preparing a cohabitation agreement. | |||
===Subject matter=== | ===Subject matter=== | ||
For people in pair relationships, cohabitation agreements usually talk about ''spousal support'' and the ''division of property and debt'' in the event their relationship ends. They don't talk about ''parenting children'' or ''child support'' because it's impossible to make decisions about these issues so far in advance. They sometimes talk about how the relationship will be managed, but agreements like this are the exception rather than the rule. | |||
While cohabitation agreements for people in polyamorous relationships can still talk about spousal support and the division of property and debt, and have the same problems talking about parenting children and child support, their real benefit usually likes in talking about how the relationship will work. Common issues that cohabitation agreements can talk about include: | |||
#ds | |||
===Managing negotiations=== | ===Managing negotiations=== | ||
