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Difference between revisions of "Children Who Resist Seeing a Parent"
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Children Who Resist Seeing a Parent (view source)
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====Address problems with a parent's behaviour==== | ====Address problems with a parent's behaviour==== | ||
When the behaviour of the favoured parent is or might be part of the problem, another step is to ask the court to include | When the behaviour of the favoured parent is or might be part of the problem, another step is to ask the court to include in the order terms about parenting time that are aimed at managing bad behaviour. Section 218 of the ''Family Law Act'' and section 16.1(5) of the ''Divorce Act'' allow the court to include any terms and conditions it thinks appropriate in parenting orders. Helpful terms might include requirements that a parent: | ||
*not speak badly of the other parent to the children or within the children's hearing, | *not speak badly of the other parent to the children or within the children's hearing, | ||
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*support and encourage the children's relationship with the other parent. | *support and encourage the children's relationship with the other parent. | ||
When the conflict between the parents is contributing to the problem, other terms might talk about the parents' behaviour when the children are being exchanged from one parent to the other, | When the conflict between the parents is contributing to the problem, other terms might talk about the parents' behaviour when the children are being exchanged from one parent to the other, for example by limiting face-to-face contact between the parents at exchanges, or managing how the children are exchanged, such as requiring them to be dropped off and picked up through school. | ||
====Get a parenting assessment==== | ====Get a parenting assessment==== | ||
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A lot of people, including Kelly and Dr. Matthew Sullivan, strongly recommend that family law cases involving claims of alienation be managed by a single judge, so that all court appearances leading to the trial are dealt with by the same person. The idea behind this sort of case management is that the judge learns about the family, gains an understanding of the family's needs and dynamics, makes sure that the case stays on track, and makes sure that orders are both followed and adapted as needed to better suit the family's changing circumstances. | A lot of people, including Kelly and Dr. Matthew Sullivan, strongly recommend that family law cases involving claims of alienation be managed by a single judge, so that all court appearances leading to the trial are dealt with by the same person. The idea behind this sort of case management is that the judge learns about the family, gains an understanding of the family's needs and dynamics, makes sure that the case stays on track, and makes sure that orders are both followed and adapted as needed to better suit the family's changing circumstances. | ||
I think the idea of case management is a great idea for all families who are in court and engaged in higher levels of conflict. However, the courts of British Columbia just don't have the resources to take this kind of an approach as a general rule. Sometimes, a judge may agree or volunteer to "seize" | I think the idea of case management is a great idea for all families who are in court and engaged in higher levels of conflict. However, the courts of British Columbia just don't have the resources to take this kind of an approach as a general rule. Sometimes, a judge may agree or volunteer to "seize" themself of a case, which means that the judge will deal with all of the family's court appearances except for the trial, until the judge "unseizes" themself of the case. Seizing themselves of a case can be very challenging for judges, never mind court administrators, as it adds to the judge's workload and creates huge scheduling problems, usually with the result that appearances are handled before the start of the usual court day or after the end of the court day. | ||
====Look for specialized interventions==== | ====Look for specialized interventions==== | ||
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*'''Regular counselling''', the kind of basic, affordable counselling most people are familiar with. This is an easily-accessible option, but it's helpful to make sure that the therapist has experience dealing with attachment issues and family breakdown. | *'''Regular counselling''', the kind of basic, affordable counselling most people are familiar with. This is an easily-accessible option, but it's helpful to make sure that the therapist has experience dealing with attachment issues and family breakdown. | ||
*'''Coordinated counselling''', involving several different therapists working with different family members, all under the management of a team leader. This will be more expensive because of the number of people involved, but it offers a good opportunity for the therapists to coordinate their work. It can also be hard to find therapists who are willing to work together. | *'''Coordinated counselling''', involving several different therapists working with different family members, all under the management of a team leader. This will be more expensive because of the number of people involved, but it offers a good opportunity for the therapists to coordinate their work. It can also be hard to find therapists who are willing to work together. | ||
*'''Non-residential treatment programs''' specifically aimed at separated families dealing with a child's reluctance to see a parent. These programs usually involve a team approach under the guidance of a team leader and a treatment agreement that outlines how the therapists will talk to each other about the family and coordinate their responses. There are lots of benefits | *'''Non-residential treatment programs''' specifically aimed at separated families dealing with a child's reluctance to see a parent. These programs usually involve a team approach under the guidance of a team leader and a treatment agreement that outlines how the therapists will talk to each other about the family and coordinate their responses. There are lots of benefits to this kind of program, especially when the therapists involved are specialists in the area of attachment and attachment breakdown, but these programs can be hard to find and cost a lot of money. | ||
*'''Residential treatment programs''' that are also specifically aimed at separated families dealing with a child's reluctance to see a parent but are shorter, far more intense and require the children and one or both parents to live in a camp-style setting. These programs are available primarily in the United States. | *'''Residential treatment programs''' that are also specifically aimed at separated families dealing with a child's reluctance to see a parent but are shorter, far more intense and require the children and one or both parents to live in a camp-style setting. These programs are available primarily in the United States. | ||
What's really important to understand about these interventions is that they're not geared toward helping a parent "prove" alienation; they're about helping the child have a normal relationship with the parent they have rejected. They're not about who's right and who's wrong, they're about trying to restore the child's relationship with the parent they don't want to spend time with, | What's really important to understand about these interventions is that they're not geared toward helping a parent "prove" alienation; they're about helping the child have a normal relationship with the parent they have rejected. They're not about who's right and who's wrong, they're about trying to restore the child's relationship with the parent they don't want to spend time with, rebuild a healthy attachment between the child and that parent, and support the child's best interests, growth and wellbeing. | ||
====Adjust the children's parenting arrangements==== | ====Adjust the children's parenting arrangements==== | ||
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Sometimes a contempt application, or the threat of a contempt application, is what's necessary to force someone to comply with a court order. However, where a child is estranged or alienated from a parent, a contempt application could inadvertently wind up reinforcing the child's negative views of the rejected parent by making the favoured parent look like a victim. In cases of alienation in particular, a contempt application may just feed into the idea that the rejected parent is being unfair, mean or nasty to the favoured parent. | Sometimes a contempt application, or the threat of a contempt application, is what's necessary to force someone to comply with a court order. However, where a child is estranged or alienated from a parent, a contempt application could inadvertently wind up reinforcing the child's negative views of the rejected parent by making the favoured parent look like a victim. In cases of alienation in particular, a contempt application may just feed into the idea that the rejected parent is being unfair, mean or nasty to the favoured parent. | ||
"Costs awards" are orders that one party | "Costs awards" are orders that one party be paid their ''costs'' of an application or a court proceeding by another party to that application or proceeding. "Costs" doesn't mean that one party has to pay the full bill of the other party's lawyer, but they will have to pay for the lawyer's out-of-pocket expenses for things like filing fees and photocopying, plus an additional amount that usually works out to maybe 35 to 40 percent of the lawyer's bill. ("Special costs" require a much larger payment, and "solicitor-client" or "lawyer-client" costs require the payment of an amount equal to the lawyer's bill.) Costs awards aren't often made in family law cases because of their financial impact on the party who has to pay them. | ||
Like contempt orders, an award of costs, special costs or lawyer-client costs may also wind up reinforcing the child's negative views of the rejected parent by making the favoured parent look like a victim. It can be tempting to ask for costs awards when the behaviour of a parent is particularly bad, but be careful about how the award might ultimately undermine the rejected parent's chances of rebuilding their child | Like contempt orders, an award of costs, special costs or lawyer-client costs may also wind up reinforcing the child's negative views of the rejected parent by making the favoured parent look like a victim. It can be tempting to ask for costs awards when the behaviour of a parent is particularly bad, but be careful about how the award might ultimately undermine the rejected parent's chances of rebuilding a relationship with their child. | ||
====Peace officer enforcement==== | ====Peace officer enforcement==== | ||
Section 231 of the ''Family Law Act'' allows the court to make an order requiring a peace officer, including a police officer, to take a child and deliver the child to | Section 231 of the ''Family Law Act'' allows the court to make an order requiring a peace officer, including a police officer, to take a child and deliver the child to a parent if the court believes that parent has been "wrongfully denied" parenting time by the other parent. The court may order that the officer enter any place where the child is being kept, seize the child, and take the child to the other parent. | ||
As you can imagine, this is a pretty serious order. Peace officer enforcement orders are only made in extreme circumstances, when the court is satisfied that nothing else will get a parent to follow an order. Some parents may feel that this is the only way they can get a parent to follow an order for parenting time, and sometimes that's true. In cases where a child is estranged or alienated from a parent, however, the effect of the police showing up at the door to forcibly remove the child from the favoured parent can be devastating. It's easy to see how this sort of thing would feed into the story the favoured parent tells about the rejected parent, and make the rejected parent look like a bully. Be careful of asking for these orders in cases of estrangement and alienation. | As you can imagine, this is a pretty serious order. Peace officer enforcement orders are only made in extreme circumstances, when the court is satisfied that nothing else will get a parent to follow an order. Some parents may feel that this is the only way they can get a parent to follow an order for parenting time, and sometimes that's true. In cases where a child is estranged or alienated from a parent, however, the effect of the police showing up at the door to forcibly remove the child from the favoured parent can be devastating. It's easy to see how this sort of thing would feed into the story the favoured parent tells about the rejected parent, and make the rejected parent look like a bully. Be careful of asking for these orders in cases of estrangement and alienation. | ||
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*Johnston, J.R. (2003). Parental alignments and rejection: An empirical study of alienation in children of divorce. ''Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and Law'', 31(2), 158-170. | *Johnston, J.R. (2003). Parental alignments and rejection: An empirical study of alienation in children of divorce. ''Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and Law'', 31(2), 158-170. | ||
*Johnston, J.R. (1993). Children of divorce who refuse visitation. In C. Depner & J.H. Bray (Eds.). ''Non-Residential Parenting: New Vistas in Family Living.'' Newbury, Calif.: Sage. | *Johnston, J.R. (1993). Children of divorce who refuse visitation. In C. Depner & J.H. Bray (Eds.). ''Non-Residential Parenting: New Vistas in Family Living.'' Newbury, Calif.: Sage. | ||
*Johnston, J.R., & Kelly, J. (2004). Rejoinder to Gardner’s Commentary on Kelly and Johnston’s The alienated child: A reformulation of parental alienation syndrome. ''Family Court Review'', 42(4), 622. | *Johnston, J.R., & Kelly, J. (2004). Rejoinder to Gardner’s "Commentary on Kelly and Johnston’s The alienated child: A reformulation of parental alienation syndrome." ''Family Court Review'', 42(4), 622. | ||
*Johnston, J., & Kelly, J. (2004). Commentary on Walker, Brantley, and Rigsbee's "A Critical Analysis of Parental Alienation Syndrome and It's Admissibility in Family Court". ''Journal of Child Custody'', 1(4), 77-89. | *Johnston, J., & Kelly, J. (2004). Commentary on Walker, Brantley, and Rigsbee's "A Critical Analysis of Parental Alienation Syndrome and It's Admissibility in Family Court". ''Journal of Child Custody'', 1(4), 77-89. | ||
*Johnston, J., & Roseby, V. (1998). In the name of the child: A developmental approach to understanding and helping children of conflicted and violent divorce. ''Family Court Review'', 36(2), 317-319. | *Johnston, J., & Roseby, V. (1998). In the name of the child: A developmental approach to understanding and helping children of conflicted and violent divorce. ''Family Court Review'', 36(2), 317-319. | ||
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A good starting point for online research is the website of the [http://www.spig.clara.net/ Shared Parenting Information Group], a UK organization, which has a good discussion of the subject and plenty of useful links. | A good starting point for online research is the website of the [http://www.spig.clara.net/ Shared Parenting Information Group], a UK organization, which has a good discussion of the subject and plenty of useful links. | ||
A final note of caution. Many of the groups you'll find online that offer information on Parental Alienation Syndrome, such as Fathers Are Capable Too, seem to regard the problem of children who resist seeing a parent after separation as a men's rights or fathers' rights issue | A final note of caution. Many of the groups you'll find online that offer information on Parental Alienation Syndrome, such as Fathers Are Capable Too, seem to regard the problem of children who resist seeing a parent after separation as a men's rights or fathers' rights issue. However, some of these sites go too far and identify feminism and mothers, or rather their prejudice against feminism and mothers, with the small number of women who engage in alienating behaviours. Fathers also engage in alienating behaviour. Take care in choosing your sources of information and make sure you're reading between the lines. | ||
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==Further Reading in this Chapter== | ==Further Reading in this Chapter== | ||
